Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Twas Valentine's Day, The Top Day For Spreading STDs

Guest columnist Chris Dickerson is a former/current flame, best male friend, and experienced male dater. Over the course of our six year friendship, I have watched Chris date skanky hoes, dumb sluts, and a few normal girls. Chris is currently single, but in all likelihood will not stay so for long when he meets some lucky bitch once he relocates to Tampa, FL from his native Cincinnati.

In honor of Valentine's Day, Chris has written the following poem, and I thought that due to lack of anything remotely original, I'd rip him off. For more of Chris (he does tend to be addictive), please check him out here:


Twas The Night Before Valentine's Day

Twas the night before Valentine's day, what a pity
Four days til the weekend
The weather still shitty
A holiday almost as bad as the weather
I think we should drop this whole thing altogether
There's teddy bears, candy and flowers aplenty
Wait, Dickie's just pissed....
Cause he's not getting any
You're right
Cause I won't spend tomorrow as planned
Unless it included
Some sex with my hand
So I sit here thinking of things I can do
To give cupid a stiff middle finger
Times two
And cupid for one,
Haven't we learned a lesson
Hasn't Columbine showed us we can't give kids weapons
He's so cute and cuddly, that loveable sniper
Just wait until someone makes fun of his diaper
Okay,
Yes I'm mad that I'm not getting laid
But I've hated this holiday since second grade
And all of the imagery, cuteness, sweet verse
Is just an excuse to increase some commerce
It's not that I'm bitter
Cause really, I'm not
But I just can't celebrate what I ain't got
So I'll take my dollar
And skip the romance
Be Prudent, be wise and invest?
No, Lap Dance!!
And I can ignore countless love movie reels
While staring at girls
Wearing only spiked heels
I'll toast to the single life spent with some friends
With Candy, and Summer, and Lacey... again
With five dollar beers, black lights, cheap champagne
I'll flush all this Valentine's shit down the drain.....
So this story's over,
It's finished, no doubt
I've run out of things to keep ranting about
So if you get some flowers,
Some candy
Some cheer
I'll just think to myself
"Hey there's always next year"


Hugs, Kisses, Eight dollars at the door, and a Three Drink Minimum....

posted by KA @ 8:09 AM