Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Town Hall Produces Town Criers

The embarrassment continues.

Today, at work, we had our monthly Agency Town Hall meeting. All week long, I have heard people discuss Town Hall left and right, like it was the Oscars or some shit. As part of my sorority-initiation into my new workplace (except for thank the Lord they don't draw circles in magic marker where the fat pockets are on your body), each new employee is required to stand at TH and introduce themselves by talking about their history, and then telling a funny story about themselves. At least 20 people have asked me this week if I was "ready" for TH, and if I had prepared a story.

Most of you who know me, or even read this blog, know that there is a filter that most people are born with. A head filter that protects you from saying stupid or potentially embarrassing shit. I, as you know, was born with the unfortunate defect, or lack of filter. I just don't have it. I am incapable of saying something that is not within my stream of consciousness at that very moment.

Knowing this, I had prepared my story two days in advance. In hindsight, it really didn't matter, because I managed to embarrass myself regardless. Of course, of course.

So I show up in to Town Hall, which is held in our "cafeteria", and since we have an open floor plan from floors 14 and 15, there are people on both floors, lined up on the balconies. Yup, all 175 employees. And the MC, who is our PR person, has a microphone. A real one - one that works and projects sound. I find my place next to my team and sit down. They are all drinking beer. Because apparently, at TH, the management buys these huge ass buckets of beer, and everyone drinks at TH. At 4 in the afternoon on a Thursday. Because I work at Disneyland.

I grab myself an Amstel Light bottle (not my first choice, but good enough), chug like hell, and prepare to speak. When I was called up to the podium, I gave my Food Network background, my Chicago background, and told them my undergrad alma mater. There is one girl at the agency who shares my alma mater, and f*ck is she loud, because as soon as I mentioned it, I hear, "Woooooooooooooo!!!!! Ohhhhhhhiiiiiiioooooooo!" Everyone laughs, because apparently there is lots of laughing at TH, either because people are funny, or they're too shitfaced to care. I laughed nervously into the mike, and it threw me completely off kilter. When I mentioned that I did my master's at DePaul in Chicago, some really good-looking guy, standing 50 feet away from me, yells out, "Wooooooo! Chicago! Woof woof woof!" I was so touched by his support of my old hometown, that without even realizing I was still on the mike, I said (in my most flirtatious voice): "Awww, thank you, thank you. You're really cute!" I received 175 out-of-control laughs. I think my supervisor almost fell off of her chair.

Then I told my rip-roaring story about how I was Miss Holiday Inn Montego Bay 1986. When my family went on vacation in Jamaica, the hotel had a beauty pageant. I competed against two other girls, but won the judges over with my rousing rendition of "The Five Little Turkeys". After I won, I was so excited that I insisted on wearing the crown at all times and through the remainder of the trip. At the end of the trip the hotel insisted that I give it back, but I refused, stole it, and took the damn thing home. Not my finest moment, but one that produced a crazy chuckle from the crowd.

Ahhh, I feel much better having shared that, so I am going to bed in a futile attempt to live down the embarrassment.

posted by KA @ 12:48 AM