My Valentine's Day Suggestion
Wouldn't it be fabulous to make every post for the next 5 days about Valentine's Day? What a great idea. So here I am, spreading love to all (don't worry, I've been tested).Beth called me a couple of days ago looking for suggestions for Valentine's Day gifts for her boyfriend. I suggested virginity, but for most people in this demo, that's out of the question. Unfortunately, most people our age are horny bitches who will hump anything that moves (present company included), so the Brenda-and-Dylan-prom-night scheme rarely works. Although without getting into too much detail, I actually did once plan to give the V-card up for V-day. But two weeks prior to the holiday, we watched Rene Russo and Pierce Brosnan in the "Thomas Crown Affair" remake, drank one too many glasses of Beaujolais, and here I am. Down for the count.
On that note, I am taking applications for a Valentine. I will be reviewing them over the course of the next few days and announcing the winner on Sunday*. In order to apply, all you have to do is post a comment to this post by creatively and humorously filling in the blanks to the following paragraph:
KA,
You are so stunning, that if you were an condiment, you would be (a) _________. I will treat you so nicely on Valentine's day, as I will buy you a _________ and then proceed to woo you with it. From there, we will dine on the finest cuisine at ___________ and then head back to my place for some good times while listening to _____________. Are you in, or are you out?
Best of luck to all.
*Terms and Conditions: Being a Valentine does NOT automatically guarantee any of the following: intimate relations, spooning, hand-holding, or affection. Contestants with significant others are welcome to apply (I won't tell). Prizes will be given to the winner at the contest author's discretion. I ate a big red candle for lunch. Extraordinarily crude and indecent references to body parts will automatically be disqualified. Additional rules and restrictions may apply.
posted by KA @ 11:37 PM
3 Comments:
Here's a sample of what the judges are looking for:
KA,
You are so stunning, that if you were an condiment, you would be (a) JELLY. I will treat you so nicely on Valentine's day, as I will buy you a CAMEL and then proceed to woo you with it. From there, we will dine on the finest cuisine at RAX and then head back to my place for some good times while listening to FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD. Are you in, or are you out?
You are so stunning, that if you were a condiment, you would be (a)KRAFT FAT FREE STRAWBERRY CREAM CHEESE . I will treat you so nicely on Valentine's day, as I will buy you a BAGEL and then proceed to woo you with it. From there, we will dine on the finest cuisine at BAGEL AND DELI and then head back to my place for some good times while listening to WILL SMITH'S 'WELCOME TO MIAMI'. Are you in, or are you out?
KA,
You are so stunning, that if you were an condiment, you would be WHIPPED CREAM AND SPRINKLES. I will treat you so nicely on Valentine's day, as I will buy you a SEXY SEXY MAN and then proceed to woo you with it. From there, we will dine on the finest cuisine at THAT STRIP CLUB AROUND THE CORNER and then head back to my place for some good times while listening to MR. SEXUAL HEALING HIMSELF, MARVIN GAYE. Are you in, or are you out?
Post a Comment
<< Home