Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Valentine's Day. Who Cares?

Valentine's Day. Everyone is posting something about Valentine's Day. The couples are happy, the singles are lonely, and Hallmark is having a big joyous O right now, as this is really their creation, and people get so worked up over this shit every year. What is the big deal?

Some thoughts on Valentine's Day:

I will be (happily) single this Valentine's Day. But I have been with people on this holiday in years past, and it doesn't make a damn difference, because the holiday still sucks. I mean, I get it. It's wonderful, conceptually: "Wouldn't it be nice if, for at least one day a year, you showed people how much you love them?" (With "show" meaning spending unnecessary amounts of money on flowers, chocolate, jewelry, and the occasional sex toy.) But more than anything, I just think the day fuels all sorts of guilt (for those who forgot, or didn't have enough time or money to get something good), loneliness (for those who have no one, or were dumped), and stress (for those who have someone to think about and come up with something original, or at least thoughtful).

Doesn't anyone else wish we still had those little mailboxes in the classroom with people's names on it, where we can put Peanuts valentine's cards in for our crushes? Maybe if we did, I'd be excited about this holiday again. It was always so fun and romantic to open up your mail that afternoon and see if anyone good wrote to you. (Although looking back, I can't recall a single instance of when this happened - my grade school hookup experience heavily relied on the bottle landing on someone good. I had an Afro and glasses. I wouldn't have even kissed myself.) When I liked someone back in the day, I always made sure to give my crushes extra candy and I would spend 2 hours thinking up cryptic messages to write, like "Hope you like me as much as I like you! Just kidding, you're ugly. No, just kidding." You always had to have the teasy (I don't think that's a word, but fine), passive-aggressive message with the sort of vague ending, just in case they rejected you. So that if they told you later that they didn't want to go with you or kiss you on the playground (which happened to me more often than I'd like to admit), you could always go back and point out that you called them ugly. I miss that.

I was single my freshman and senior years of college, and my parents, for some reason, always found it necessary to send me the most obnoxious, sad, pathetic Valentine's care package in the hopes of "cheering me up", which is ironic, because I usually wasn't at all unhappy until I got their presents. My freshman year, my dad thought it would be funny to send me an inflatable boyfriend. And three years later, my mom sent me just two items - a red flannel nightgown with a teddy bear on it, and a hot pink thong. (Killer combination, really.)

Last year, I spent Valentine's Day on a bender with my two of my best girlfriends, Emily and Beth. We got into some trouble with some boys at Halligan's and came out of it with some good stories. This was my best Valentine's Day so far, and despite being a heterosexual person, it was spent with two girls? Go figure.

This year, my February horoscope (courtesy of AstrologyZone) says that "a good friend of the opposite sex will make a declaration of love to you in the hopes that the friendship will turn into something more". Which I think is bullshit, frankly. Who's it going to be? Grant, Chris, Tim, Paul, Chief? Any takers? I am wide open, so feel free to profess your love.

Aside from my lovely, planned Chris Visit the weekend after next (which some could mistakenly count as a Post-Valentine's Day celebration), I think I am (happily) sitting this year out. Unless, of course, someone puts a valentine in my mailbox. Then I may reconsider.

posted by KA @ 9:39 AM