Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Carrie: Exactly. Why can't she just use sex and a nice cocktail like the rest of us?

It happened. I got the first of my friends' baby shower invitations by mail today. I have sort of gotten used to the whole wedding thing, but a baby shower? I just don't get it, really. Here I am, pill-popping and taking every precaution -- trying so unbelievably hard to not have babies, and yet there are people my age out there who see a little pink line on a cardboard stick, jump for joy, and start registering for Diaper Genies and discussing sonograms with the enthusiasm of discussing the new Colin Farrell flick. How is this so?

It's not that I don't love babies, I really do. I think they're very cute until they poop themselves, and then I'm ready to hand them off to Mommy. But I am mature (or immature) enough to know that kids are not something I am going to dabble in until...well, a while. Like at least another 5 years. I want to have enough time to find a Husband and not a Baby Daddy, get married, enjoy having sex in weird places because no one cares and you don't have any kids running around bitching that their red crayon got stuck in the sink, travel a little, and then start a family. But kids now? Who are you kidding?

So now I'm stuck looking up another registry and picking out some "adorable" little cloth burping set with daisies on it, and paying out the nose for a baby which, quite frankly, I think the parents should be able to afford to have, without my gift.

I think that marriages and babies are conspiracy theories in order to suck more money out of others. I'm sure that when my time comes, I'll be trying to milk everyone for all they're worth in the china department and in the pashmina baby blanket department, or whatever the cool things for kids to throw up on is, but still, these things are really taking a chunk out of a girl's paycheck.