Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Ice, By the Numbers

My career involves a lot of number crunching, and lately I've found it a lot easier to just summarize in numbers, so the below should pretty much sum up last night's Vanilla Ice experience:

Number of people in attendance: approximately 500
Among the attendees I spotted - an Amish man wearing suspenders and a bowl haircut, an African American midget, and a fortysomething man who looked like Mr. Belvedere and danced by himself on the dance floor all night.

Number of guys wearing Armani Exchange head-to-toe: 153

Number of Slim Shady wannabees: 138
One of them came complete with Dr. Dre doppelganger companion. Wow.

Lbs. of silicone on the ladies: 478
If there had been this many fake boobs on the Titanic, it wouldn't have sunk.

Number of sequined handkerchief tops that were cool for girls to wear in 1999: 29

Hours Ice took to finally get onstage, despite being scheduled to go on at 11 pm: 1.5
Who did he think he was?

Times Ice played "Ice, Ice Baby": 1
Unfortunately just once.

Number of times Ice asked, "Who f*ckin' tonight? Who f*ckin' tonight?" while rapping: 73

Number of times I was offered a neon-colored shot with whipped cream on it by some skanky girl wearing aforementioned handkerchief shirt: 3

Number of times I was shot in the eye with a squirt of water that Ice was throwing into the crowd, as he threw plastic water bottles at us: 9

Number of times it occurred to me, while being splashed with said water, that it would have been cheaper and more fun to have just bought myself a Slip-and-Slide and put it in my living room, had I known I would have gotten hit: 2

Number of nice, normal, adorable guys I met at the Ice concert: 1
Oh Shawn. Smokin' hot. He was pretty much the only other normal, cool person there (aside from my friends), and we hung out all night. Yeow.

posted by KA @ 5:59 PM