Why Girls Steal Boys' Clothes
I am a little bit sick today. Just a little.I, truly innocently, slept at my friend Grant's house last night. Maybe even unfortunately innocently. But the whole night was fun, particularly when we were thrown out of the late-night bar because I grabbed a couple of ice cubes out of the huge metal tub that holds the beer they sell and threw them down Grant's back, which apparently went allllllll the way down his back. G, being true to form, retaliated by picking me up, threshold-style, and yes -- dipping me in the tub full of ice and beer. I was soaked from head to toe, and laughing hysterically. We were then promptly, and probably rightfully, thrown out of the bar. But when we got back to his house to continue the going-out debauchery, I was faced with two options: I either had to change into a pair of his scrubs and a sweatshirt, or die of hypothermia. I opted for the former.
And I'm glad I did, because I love his clothes. They smell so good, like boy. And they are so comfortable. Once I am done wearing and washing them, I think I am going to add them to my rather disturbingly large pile of clothes in my closet next to the sweaters that I affectionately call, "My Pile of Shit". What this pile consists of is belts, boxers, t-shirts, sweatshirts, scrubs, and a pair of socks - yes, even a sad pair of socks, that once belonged to boys of yore.
I know how this began - either the guy left it here by accident, or I borrowed something, with every intention of giving it back as soon as it was washed. But days turn into weeks, and months, and embarrassingly, even years, and next thing you know, you have a pile of shit that you wear on occasion, and cannot bear to part with.
You're probably wondering why the hell I would keep all of this stuff. I mean, I have my own clothes, ones that fit me better, don't have holes in them, and don't have weird guy patterns, like pajama pants with horses on them, or boxers with little orange slices on them. (I don't remember whose those are, but I'm sure he's come out of the closet by now.)
But I think girls keep these little mementos for a couple of reasons. For one, they're comfortable. I mean, screw the guy if he ever gives you a brand-new Hanes t-shirt. If he's a real man, or a typical one, he's going to give you a nice, worn, comfortable shirt to wear. Also, unless you are a fat beast, most guys are, generally and hopefully, bigger creatures. Which is great, because there's nothing more comfortable and sort of adorable about an article of clothing that is all loose and baggy - something you can swim in. Plus, this makes me feel like I don't have ass for weeks, and any boost in the self-esteem is always good. And finally, guys clothes remind us of good memories. Even if they are ex-boyfriends, or flings of the past. Yes, you're probably still a dick, and if you are a fairly recent ex (within the past year or so), we still probably hope you break every bone in your body, but there are always good memories attached to clothing, and it's nice sometimes to revisit.
With that said, I show no remorse in wearing his clothing, or keeping it. And I don't think I'm returning anything else to anyone, either. I am proudly hanging onto everything. Even the socks.
posted by KA @ 2:23 PM
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