White Collars Aren't That Flattering Anyway
In honor of Monday, and what was, for me, a pretty shit day at work, I think it's time we discussed the merits of corporate life. I have a lot of friends who are starting new jobs, or entering the working world for the first time, and I think it's important that we de-bunk some myths and let you know what you're getting yourself into. So let's review some of the so-called "perks" of working, and keep it real:1. Business cards: "Oh, how fun! Little index cards with my name and work stuff on it to make me look really important!"
Truth: You will never give these cards out to anyone of importance. And you can't really give them out to guys at bars, if not because it makes you "that girl" that thinks she's cool and hands out business cards to guys, then because you don't want, as has once happened to me, a sketchy guy calling your place of employment and asking you out over voice mail. (He never got a call back strictly for that reason.)
2. Expense accounts: This is corporate plastic, designed to make you think that you will be able to spend other people's money without paying for it.
Truth: Save for the occasional expanding file folder or lunch that you are forced to take some clients to because you messed something up and hope that a chopped salad will make them forget about it and move on, you really can't use the plastic for anything personal. And after "losing" my stapler a couple of times, frankly, the novelty wore off.
3. Direct line: You are so important that you get your own phone line, so people can reach you directly.
Truth: You are so important that you get your own phone line, so people can reach you directly. This is so that people have a direct way of getting a hold of you when something went wrong and it's your fault, or even when something went wrong and it's not your fault. It's a guarantee that you will answer the phone for someone to inevitably make a ridiculous request or lay blame on you.
4. Out-of-office: The novelty of this Outlook feature wears off slowly than others, but still - do not be fooled.
Truth: The out-of-office reply you set up when you're in meetings, on vacation, etc. is really just another means for someone to yell at you or lay on the guilt trip when you forget to turn it on, i.e. "I tried to get a hold of you because I really needed that report/dust mop/invoice/highlighter, but you never put your out-of-office on so I finally had to call someone else and figure it out!"
5. Client lunches: If you work in the business that I do, client lunches, charity events, and excuses to drink and have someone else pick up the tab are endless. Sounds good, right?
Truth: You usually end up knowing very few people there, and the two or three that you hang on to are people that you can't remember anything about, except for that their favorite Subway sandwich is the turkey special on Wednesdays, because that's what you talked about last time. So you bring up Subway again, and it's a never ending vicious circle of Subway and the one story you always tell about the "sandwich artist" putting too much mayo on your sandwich and you having to order another one. It's boring, shitty stories like this one that get you through the hours, days, and weeks, and it's depressing. And sad. In my case, you end up running into the same one guy that you dated like, two years ago, for one month, and despite having him at the top of the list of people you don't want to see because it reminds you of what a f*cktard you were to be interested in them in the first place, he makes a huge ordeal out of seeing you every time and then makes sure to tell anyone and everyone he is work-related to that you once dated and it's really awkward. Asshole. So secretly you remind yourself that he's just compensating for his lack of manhood, smile, and shut your mouth.
Did I leave anything out? I'm sure I did. There are lots of hidden "perks" that really aren't perks. Consider yourselves warned.
posted by KA @ 10:18 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home