Confessions of A Naughty Girl

I Don't Think You're Ready...For This Jelly

Newsflash! In continuing the Crappy Music Tour 2005, today I agreed to see Destiny's Child in concert this Friday with my friend, who is coincidentally my boss. I agreed to this musical adventure for two reasons, and two reasons only: 1. I like hanging out with my boss, and 2. I want to see just how big Beyonce's ass is in real life.

Okay, okay, let's back up the truck. Destiny's Child really isn't bad; in fact, they are kind of an exciting act. There's a lot of ass-shaking and some good beats, and I particularly enjoy the mixed messages of their songs. As anyone following pop culture may recall, sometime back in 1999, they recorded a song called, "Bills Bills Bills", the lyrics of which asked, "Can you pay my bills/Can you pay my telephone bills/Can you pay my automo"bills"?" The very next year they recorded "Independent Women", the lyrics of which stated, "If I wanted the watch you're wearing (I'll buy it)/The house I live in (I bought it)/The car I'm driving (I bought it)/'Cause I depend on me." I ask you, does it get more confusing than that? I mean, shit, when it comes to women's lib, are they in or are they out? I don't get it. If I was Beyonce, I'd sock all of my dough into my savings account and let Jay Z bling me until the cows came home.

So, as a means for building excitement for this concert, I am asking a favor of you, dear readers. I am asking you to guess the circumference of Beyonce's ass, measured in centimeters. Please post your guess in the comments section. The winner will be determined as soon as I have had the chance to see the aforementioned ass, and the prize is to be determined (although I think that the promise of a bona-fide Destiny's Child t-shirt or visor will probably be enough incentive for any of you...after all, who can turn down a shot at a Destiny's Child visor?)

I'm going to sign off of this post with a little conventional wisdom, courtesy of our very own Beyonce Knowles. I think I can speak for us all when I say, "I don't think you're ready for this jelly. I don't think you're ready for this jelly. I don't think you're ready for me 'cause my body too bootylicious for you, baby."

posted by KA @ 11:14 PM