A Heart Isn't A Polygon, But Does It Still Have Parameters?
In geometry, we learned about polygons. What are they? They are properties that define space. They are unique. They can be categorized, usually by their parameters. They have sides and edges and borders and boundaries. Once you go outside the boundary of a square, you're no longer in the square. Simple. Right?The heart is not a polygon, at least not as far as I can tell. No geometry textbook discusses the heart, uses it in examples, calculates its density in dimension. The heart is one of those incredibly mysterious, unknown objects that doesn't really have sides, or edges, or borders, or boundaries.
Inarguably, one of the best things about life, and about being a human being, is the capacity to love, and to feel love for certain things. And ironically (or not so ironically), love is one of those intangibles that makes life incredibly complicated and difficult.
I had a conversation with a really good friend tonight about love and what we think it really is. Can it change people? Can it be a missing link that we need? Can we make ourselves feel it, or does it just magically appear - whether by waking up one day and realizing it's there, or experiencing an insane moment of clarity, due to strike at any given time, like a lightning bolt? Does it develop over time, or is it sometimes instantaneously driven by instinct?
However it does get to you - once it's there, it's there. But I think it's probably fair to assume that as time passes, loving someone evolves. I'm fairly certain that the love I had for my first boyfriend is not the love I feel for someone now. I'm fairly certain that the love I feel for someone now will not be the same as I feel for a husband, or a father to my kids. And when we're (hopefully) sitting on the wooden rocker in 50 years, I'm pretty sure that kind of love will be different as well. But I'm talking about different people, not the same guy. Or am I?
I question a lot of things about the heart, and how it works. People aren't perfect, and neither are our relationships. Once you recognize that you love someone, how much can you take? Let's say you make a mistake. Or the other person makes a mistake. Let's say there's a situation that is somehow misinterpreted. Does it take good communication to overcome it? Maybe. Maybe if you discussed it, you could move forward. Or maybe not. Maybe there are some things in life that love can't overcome. Can it overcome disapproval from family and friends? Can it overcome reality superceding high expectations? Can it overcome religious, racial, social, or physical difference? And more importantly, is there room for any of that in a good relationship. Is love built to handle human error? I'm interested to see where anyone thinks this threshold is. At what point, and after how much, should you give up on something? At what point do you cut your losses and say, "F*ck this, I should spend my energy elsewhere?"
And if, by chance, you happen to look at a picture one day, or an email, or best yet, face-to-face at someone you once loved, is it possible to ever fall in love with them again? Is that what a long-term relationship or a marriage is all about? Is it really just about finding new and improved ways to fall in love with the same person?
My initial thought is that we'd all probably like to believe that love can overcome everything, that we do fall in love with people over and over again. But with the heart having so little definition, the same potential room to expand could really just be room to box something in and contain it. Or not?
posted by KA @ 10:43 PM
3 Comments:
I know I asked a lot of questions. But I suppose the two that I'm most interested in hearing feedback on are whether a) you can f*ck up insanely badly and still retain someone's love, or vice-versa; and b) whether you can fall in love with the same person more than once. Any other responses would just be considered bonus.
Sanders, I agree. Interesting that you say you've been in love once. I've been cognizant of love only twice in my life - once a long time ago, and once more recently. I also revise my opinion and agree with you that love probably never goes away, it just becomes latent sometimes. And sometimes, I would argue, events happen that trigger it and cause it to come to the surface, and sometimes it goes away.
My posts are what they are. Sometimes they are provoked by certain events, sometimes not. As a general rule I try to reveal enough to stimulate discussion, but as far as names or incidents go, my lips are sealed.
Erica,
Great comments. I love that you mention the "friend" incident...I was standing right next to you and caught onto that as well.
Love can definitely break your heart. But, ever the eternal optimist, I choose to believe that if you want it badly enough, it will happen.
The good news is that personally, with every relationship I've been in, I think I've come closer and closer to knowing what - and who - I want to be with.
The tricky part is finding the guy who wants it to work just as badly as you do. It's like a f*cking needle in a haystack, I tell you.
Anonymous, thanks for the lighthearted lyrics. It was time to break up the sober tone!
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