Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Those Falcons And Their Ginormous Weiners

Burrrrrrrrp. Ahhh....much better.

Sorry, I needed to let out all of that extra air. I usually try to avoid burping, farting, and/or any variety of bodily functions on the blog, but on nights like tonight, I just can't help myself.

I returned from the Falcons game not too long ago, and needed a little time to gather my thoughts, unbutton the top button of my pants, and sober up a little before posting.

As previously mentioned, today was my first ever NFL game, and golly, was it great! A few thoughts:

1. My excitement was so great that it caused me to spend an hour driving around the Georgia Dome looking for the parking lot that I had a free pass for. Figures that it ended up being the Red "International" lot directly across the street from the Dome. Had Krista and Anna not pointed this out half an hour into our mis-guided tour of downtown Atlanta, we may have missed the game altogether.

2. It has become clear to me that I cannot understand traffic cops and their hand signals. One minute they're telling me to make a complete stop, and then next, they're screaming at me to move. I really do think that the cops were f*cking with me, but in the process of following game traffic, I nearly mowed at least two of them down, and caused a third to yell, "Just move your f*cking car, lady!" Me and traffic cops = not a good combination.

3. Tailgating was fun, if you could call it that. Since Patrick cannot seem to grasp the logistics of hooking up some subwoofers and a grill to your trunk in the parking lot of the Dome, we drank at Jock's and Jill's across the street from the game. I must not have been drinking enough lately, because two beers and a couple of shots later, I was asking the "Ask Me" lifeguard guy at the Dome what the state capital of New Jersey is. (Holla Flynn, if you're still reading...it's Trenton, in case anyone else is wondering.)

4. The field is HUGE. I mean seriously huge. It really doesn't look that big on television. I have always envisioned myself being able to run laps around it like a track, but once I saw the field for real I realized that the chances of my dating Adam Brody are a lot bigger than running one lap around that sucker without passing out.

5. Perhaps the most shocking - and unsettling (literally) - memory of today's game was the weiners. We perched high atop the Dome in a suite, which afforded us a kick-ass view and all the Coors Light and food we could handle. Wings, chips, vegetables and dip, 5-layer dip, a dessert cart...and the hugest f*cking weiners I've ever seen. I swear, they were at least 3 feet long with a circumference that rivals my head. (No pun intended, and yes, that was a bit of an exaggeration, but seriously, BIG hot dogs.) I ate exactly one hot dog, a couple of chips (well, a couple of handfuls, who are we kidding), and I have been full for exactly 8 hours - and showing no signs of being able to eat for at least the next day or so. I really used to love gluttony, but since I've started my healthy eating initiative about a month ago, all today really does is make me want to get sick. I haven't been able to breathe, sit, stand, chew gum, talk on the phone, or even watch "Grey's Anatomy" without the thought of vomit. Yikes.

Overall, I'd rate the game an 8. The pros were obvious: suite seats, parking pass, free food, free booze, good friends, and Patrick and his fun drunk friends. The cons - 8-hour heavy stomach from massive weiners and potential ulcer from traffic cops screaming at me - do definitely knock it down a couple of notches. But all in all, a good experience, one I'd like to repeat - minus the hot dogs, and with someone else driving.

posted by KA @ 10:01 PM