Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Allow Myself to Interview...Myself

In lieu of anything particularly interesting or noteworthy, I stole this from Bethany, who stole this from someone else, who probably stole it from someone else. It's an incestuous blogosphere, friends. Let's take a look back and see what I was doing...

10 years ago…
I was a sophomore in high school. I had just come back to my public high school after a yearlong stint at a private boarding school 20 minutes away. My freshman year – between required sports (field hockey, basketball, lacrosse), grueling study hours (required in the dorm from 8-11 each weeknight before “lights out”), and a required self-sufficiency which expanded way beyond my 14 years of age (laundry, grocery shopping, and living away from home) – had left me drained. I was looking forward to getting back to home-cooked meals, no roommate who did ‘shrooms and played Hole’s “Celebrity Skin” cassette every single day, and a shred of f*cking freedom. I had just started tennis season, and was well on my way to the admission that I was bad with balls. But hey, I loved it. Still do. I had a big crush on this junior guy at school, and spent hours talking to him on the phone, watching the 1995 Indians take it to the World Series…and almost win. Ahhh, the good old days…when the Indians actually even made it into contention for a championship. How times change.

5 years ago...
As a junior in college, I had never really felt better. I had just changed my major, narrowly escaping Finance 301, and had just spent the summer at school, taking classes to catch up, drinking for three months straight, and having a lot of sex with my boyfriend, the Midget Troll. At this point, we were a good year or so into the relationship, and practically living together. I was with him so much that I never spent any time at the sorority house I was supposed to be living in, and spent any and all time away from class living in a dirty four-bedroom apartment with four other guys. Oy. And his roommates were f*cking crazy. They stole plants, food, and even their Christmas tree that year from Kroger, bought a “Fry Daddy” home deep-fryer to make their own French fries, and found it necessary to smoke bowl after bowl and watch cartoons every Saturday morning. Six months later, I moved to Chicago for an internship, dumped the guy, and started being the sassy, independent bitch I am today.

1 year ago...
Around that time, I was living in Chicago, working. I was wondering what the hell I should do with my life because I was ready for a change. I wanted to move to Atlanta, but I was scared. I was scared I wouldn’t find a job, and scared that maybe I wanted to move for the wrong reasons. I wasn’t sure that boredom was a good enough reason. On that actual day – and don’t ask me how I remember this - I had my first real date with Jerry Maguire. It was quite nice, actually. We went out to dinner and then to a vineyard. We also curiously ran into one of our old teachers, who was clearly with a woman who was not his wife. Admittedly, one of the best parts of the date had to be my outfit. It was a cute little lacy camisole, a pink corduroy blazer, Citizens, and heeled alligator-skin boots. Quite trendy. All in all, a good day.

Yesterday…
I woke up at my sister’s house. Apparently, after watching TiVo and eating dinner, I passed out in her guest room. She made me an omelette with swiss cheese. I came home, drank two cups of coffee, watched four fifteen-minute episodes of “Laguna Beach: The After Show” on demand, watched “My Fair Brady” on VH1, and headed to the gym. After 40 minutes on the elliptical and a grueling inner-thigh workout, I went to Target to buy some tank tops and socks. I came home, Humpy came over, and we watched “The Upside of Anger”, and then sleepytime.

5 snacks:
• A banana with peanut butter
• Fruit Roll-Up
• Triscuits
• A sliced up tomato with salt
• Carrots

5 songs I know all the words to:
Last Goodbye – Jeff Buckley
• My favorite song since 1996 – I can’t get enough of it. Jeff Buckley’s voice was absolutely dreamy.

Shoop – Salt N Pepa
• Made myself memorize all of the lyrics to this in 1993, and tried to copy all of the dance moves from the video. I definitely went through a period where I wanted to be Spinderella.

Dress You Up – Madonna
• The best Madonna song ever, by a large margin. Also known as one of the few songs on Earth that could find me at the depths of despair, on the breaking edge, and inevitably put a shit-eating grin on my face.

Poison – Bel Biv Devoe
• Again, one of my favorite songs, and chock full o’ good advice: “Never trust a big butt and a smile.”

Such Great Heights – The Postal Service
• Such Great Writing is what it should be called. Who doesn’t want to know all of the lyrics to this?

5 things I would do with $100 million
• I would donate some millions to Hurricane Katrina relief. Honestly! $100 million is a lot of money. Who really needs every single penny of that to live comfortably when you can use a portion of it to help other people?
• I would invest a good portion of it in a very diverse portfolio. Some in mutual funds, some in solid stocks, and some just to play with.
• I would buy my parents the cruise they take every year, as an annual gift.
• I would hire the finest heterosexual personal trainer that money could buy to get my ass into insanely good shape, and I would probably sleep with him. A lot.
• I’d treat myself to the car I’ll eventually buy anyway, a fully-loaded Acura TSX.

5 places I would run away to:
• Lucerne, Switzerland
• Sardinia (never been, but it sounds cool)
• Yemen (also never been, but I love the word “Yemen”. Yemen, yemen, yemen.)
• Venice, Italy
• Capetown, South Africa

5 things I would never wear:
• Uggs
• Mom jeans
• Leg warmers
• Clear stripper heels (I second Bethany on this one; for reasons, please see “Chris Rock: Never Scared”)
• Patchouli-scented anything

5 Favorite Current television shows:
• Laguna Beach
• The O.C.
• Real Time with Bill Maher
• Law & Order: SVU
• Property Ladder (on TLC)

5 biggest joys:
• Traveling to new places
• Reading a good fiction novel
• Meeting interesting people
• Singing in the shower
• Making people laugh

5 favorite toys:
• The iPod
• The laptop
• The text message function on my cell phone
• The Razor scooter at work
• The unmentionable one that I got from the tranny redhead

5 biggest non-joys:
• Anything I’ve seen on the news lately
• The ab machine at the gym
• Feeling lonely sometimes
• Not having enough time to relax during the week
• Fighting with my parents or my sister

posted by KA @ 9:23 PM