The Grand Gesture, Or At Least A Shove In The Right Direction
I've never been a very romantic person. Dinners, flowers, candy...yeah, it's nice, but it's never really blown me away like I feel it does to other girls. But there are some things - words, gestures - that have blown me out of the water in the past.Every so often I get phone calls from a male from my past. And every time, it's 4 am, someone is wasted (usually him, sometimes me too), and I have to explain the same shit I've repeated a thousand times before about why it is the way it is. Unfortunately, I must not be giving an effective explanation, because I keep getting the same phone call every two months.
See, what I've been trying to explain is that despite not falling for the whole flowers-and-candy-and-dry-humping-on-the-couch bit, there is definitely a thing out there that I believe in, which is the grand gesture. It's sort of like "The Tao of Steve" (which is a great movie to watch if you haven't seen it already), where the ultimate rule is to "do something excellent in the woman's presence". Here's a tip - if you want to win me over, a grand gesture will do it.
A grand gesture can vary from saying something delightful unexpectedly or out-of-character, to making the ultimate sacrifice, whether it's moving to be with the person, quitting your dope smoking, etc. It's like this one big genuine thing that you do to prove that you're not just another full-of-shit person, that you really care and want to be around.
In the particular case mentioned above, the circumstances have been such that there have been many windows of opportunity where I could have really been talked into the whole thing again, but he totally blew it every time. No grand gestures, no excellence in my presence. I was up against him face-to-face multiple times and walked away empty-handed every time. And now, fielding these bi-monthly phone calls just makes me sad. Sad and a little agitated, because he's a great guy and I care about him quite a bit, but I don't have a grand gesture, so I have to walk.
On the flip side, even a shove in the right direction can go a long way. Sometimes you're caught in a situation where you know exactly what the grand gesture could be, but you're just waiting for the guy to execute. And if he doesn't? Well, you hang your hopes on the hat rack, have a seat on the couch, and watch some tv until someone else comes along.
The only question is: how long can you wait for the excellence? How many days, weeks, months, years - should you keep thinking that one day he is finally going to get the point? Better yet, how long is it before you start thinking, or even realize, that this grand gesture is not going to happen?
It's a tough question. It's a case-by-case basis. I've waited months for people before. I've waited years. And when you do get the grand gesture, all the waiting doesn't seem so bad. But when you don't, and you end up having to explain it to someone at 4 in the morning - repeatedly...or better yet, when you don't, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it - well, it sucks. Big time. If there's anything I've learned, it's that no matter what, you have to keep moving on. Even if there's a tiny voice in the back of your head telling you otherwise.
posted by KA @ 9:04 PM
2 Comments:
KA,
I feel that it's time to make my 2nd comment. Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm going to be as straight forward with you as I can (I don't beat around the bush with people I respect):
From where I stand there seem to be two very distinct sides of you:
(1) a very eloquent, extremely intelligent, independent woman.
(2) a shallow, superficial bore. [sorry that's gonna sting a bit]
I only say this because I know so few really well-spoken females, and to see your talent & time squandered on 'grooming tips' breaks my heart.
Even with the situation in New Orleans spiralling out of control, you're posting about how rough the single life is treating you. (sigh)
My advice: stop waiting for some grand gesture from guys who won't ever have a clue how to treat a lady. Excellence attracts excellence. Just show guys the side of you that once commented at 'that other blog,' so passionately and convincingly about court rulings and civil liberties and social justice.
Bob,
I want to thank you for being so forthright and candid in your comment. The truth hurts sometimes, but we all have to hear it. I respect you more than before for what you just posted.
To address your questions, what happened in New Orleans is a terrible tragedy. It has affected the entire country in ways that (from what I gather, most people) found unimaginable. Ironically, I had been planning to post on it this week.
My concern with this blog is such that the original idea was for it to be a forum for my thoughts and feelings within the dimension of relationships and interaction. At times it has strayed, at times I have been right on target. As a writer, I often struggle with what I feel is appropriate to put into a "light-hearted, fun read" and what needs to be discussed with respect to the world that we live in. It's a fine line, and it is increasingly more difficult to define every day.
I know that I often neglect to mention major world events (particularly political), but what I post about is a small part of the things that pass through my crazy head on a daily basis. My reasons for not always posting on current events draw largely from my viewpoint about the nature of this particular blog, which is that I don't always feel that it fits. I also wholeheartedly encourage anyone who reads this to go to The Chief Source or The Keeler Report for their political coverage, and I don't want to step on anyone's toes, steal anyone's mojo, or worse yet, feel that a post is half-assed because I'm not presenting all of the facts.
Perhaps it is time for a change here at CNG. It is certainly worth considering.
Excellence does attract excellence, I know, and in spite of that post, I have met someone recently who is pretty excellent, so we'll go from there.
But as always, your comments and thoughts are always appreciated. Please keep "checking me", as I clearly do need it every now and then.
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