Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Sound Off: Mondays Are So Bad and I Hate Uggs

Well, I am in my usual Monday slump. Anything juicy usually gets posted on a weekend day, since those are the days after it usually happens, and if not a good story at that time, then I usually have time on those days to think of things that I really want to throw out there to you. But pretty much by every Monday, I am slumped over my desk, exhausted after just one day of work and wanting to jump out of my first floor window so that I can call in sick for the next four days. Not that I necessarily dislike my job, but I am generally not really a fan of the work week. I think that we should have three or four day weekends, and if not that, then at least revise the work day for nap time. There is nothing better than a little afternoon siesta (preceded by some action to wear oneself out). God, wouldn't we all be a little happier?

Anyway, at lunch today, after my co-worker and I spent the morning coming up with a dumb nickname for one of our male coworker buddies ("Sprinkles" was the name winner, and let me tell you, we notified the guy, and he is not happy about it), I actually fell asleep with my eyes open. Yes, like a dog. (No comments from the peanut gallery, thanks.) My vision went blurry and everything got sort of glowy for a couple of minutes, until I almost fell into my Hot & Sour soup face-first. Maybe someone slipped me a roofie or something when I left my tea in the conference room this morning. Or maybe I have cataracts, which would be a great excuse for a little medical marijuana.

At any rate, I was pretty productive, which is good. I managed to read my astrology forecast for January, which predicts the following:

Socially and romantically, you certainly will be brimming with sex appeal -- Mars in Sagittarius will give you that! You'll be noticed. Forget about "blending in", as there is little chance that will happen!

Wow. What a load of shit. Oh, but I'm pretty sure I will stand out because my "tan" didn't work out quite as expected over Christmas break. I will stand out as an albino. And I don't see how much sex appeal anyone in Chicago (or the Midwest, for that matter) has in the dead of winter, unless the criteria of sex appeal has since been redefined by turtleneck sweaters, goofy hats, and those horrific Ugg and Mukluk boots that all the little seventeen year old, Paris Hilton-wannabes are sporting (And there are still some in the 20s age bracket that are sporting it. You know who you are, you are on borrowed time with my friendship because of it, and you will become persona non grata if you keep wearing these ugly f*ckers). Will someone tell me where the sex appeal is in wearing a short skirt and a f*cking large woodland creature on each leg? I have done many fashion trends thus far in my lifetime - notably, the leg warmers and Jams in the 80s, the Hypercolor shirts, Umbros, and flannel shirts in the 90s, and most recently, the long-sleeved flower child shirts (2002) and the knee-high black leather pointy-toed boots (2001-present) - but this is, as some of my college friends at Wittier Banter would say, a whole bucket of wrong.
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Note:

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K. was my freshman year college roommate, and thus is owed a link and a Post-It, if only for that one night in October 1998 when she rescued me from my alcohol-induced spaghetti incident outside of Randy's frat house. Not sure if I ever thanked you for that until now?

I have standards, and those standards do not include strutting down Michigan like an furry hooker.

Okay, time to stop there. I really did just use the phrase "furry hooker". I will put on my best thinking cap (or caps really, considering it's going to drop well below freezing tonight and I'll need the extra metaphorical layer), and post something worthwhile tomorrow. If you're still reading, thanks for making it thus far. You're a real team player.

posted by KA @ 10:26 PM