Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Cardio Kickbox is Bullshit

You know, the other day, I had a revelation.

It's about time I went back to the gym.

It's no different from last time. It's the three month pattern. I usually work out for two months, and rest for three. It would be a good plan, really, if calories and carbs and trans fats didn't count. Sadly, they do. And the buildup always leads me to look in the mirror three months later and say to myself, "Shit, you're a cow. Get your fat ass into the gym."

So in the spirit of my two-three plan, I headed to cardio kickbox the other night.

Big mistake.

The class was taught by an entirely overzealous 18 year old who probably toned her quads with some knee squats in the football locker room in high school.

Fact: her body was amazing.

And...

Fact: she was doing her best to keep the class interested.

But...

Fact: She took punching air reeeeeeallllly seriously and insisted on showing us proper form - like anyone needs proper form to punch oxygen molecules.

Fact: she tried to make everyone in the class say "Woooooooo!!!" when we were doing five consecutive minutes of jumping jacks twenty minutes into class. Wooooo? I can barely breathe, bitch. Give me a noise I can work with, like a grunt. Or a thud. I can definitely do a thud. I felt like I was consistently on the verge of collapsing. Easy sleazy.

Ten minutes later, I really began to dislike her. This is where the "mean girl" in me kicked in. I started wondering if she really thought she was tough. And somehow I sincerely doubted she was. Sure, she was muscular and fit, but if I accidentally spilled my drink on her at a bar, she wouldn't pull a "step-to-the-right, step-to-the-right, jab-and-uppercut-woooooo!!!!!" No. She would be pulling hair and biting just like the rest of us bitches.

Nevertheless, I stuck it out and killed the last twenty minutes by playing "Which eating disorder does she have?" with the 5'9, 95 lb. girl in front of me who looked like she was going to snap in half.

Not that I am poking fun at disorders whatsoever. After all, I'm pretty sure I'm an overeater. Looks like there's a lot more cardio-kickboxing in my future.

posted by KA @ 7:19 PM