Confessions of A Naughty Girl

I Am A Homeowner

Well, congratulations are in order. After almost a year of househunting, I finally cemented my decision to put down roots in Atlanta - literally. As of yesterday morning, I am officially under contract for a 2 bed, 2 1/2 bath townhouse! This is great news for many reasons, detailed in the list below:

1. I no longer have to throw away rent on my shit apartment which looks like it was decorated by Newt Gingrich, or someone equally as conservative and boring.

2. I am no longer a slave to my single old lady neighbor, who has an array of pets and plants and conveniently stops me to chat when I have thirteen bags of groceries in my hand.

3. My current apartment has been cursed with the ghost of boys that sleep over and don't touch me. This is a very bad situation I feel I need to get out of immediately.

You see, when I first moved into my place a year and a half ago, I didn't have high expectations for ass-age. But sometime during Weekend 2 of my residence, I had a surprise sleepover visitor who effectively helped me to christen the apartment. I thought to myself, "Self, this is great! You're going to get more ass in this apartment than a public bathroom toilet."

Not so, my friends, not so. My overnight visitor came and went, and since then, I think I have actually hooked up in my apartment 3 times in the last year and a half (and I've been single for the majority of this time). I have hooked up aplenty in that time, but rarely in my humble abode. For some reason, every time someone ends up at my place, they walk into a veritable force field of Negative Ions of Ass Past, because if I had a dime for every time a guy crashed here and I woke up to nothing but a good spoon in the middle of the night, I'd be buying a f*cking penthouse, not a townhouse.

I've believed that this is a curse, and I believe that for the sake of my hooking-up-in-my-own-home health, I really need a change of scenery. So there you have it - a large hundred-of-thousand dollar investment whose glass standup shower stall is guaranteed to see some action.
The "Field of Dreams" hope is still in full effect - if I build it, they will come.

So with that in mind, think of me on February 9th, 2007. Or better yet, swing by. "Open house" on me.

posted by KA @ 9:03 PM