Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Hoes...In Different Area Codes

If you're single in your twenties, and not even necessarily "one-chicken-breast-only-please" single, or "technically" single - basically, unless you're married, you probably have a network. A network of hoes, if you will. A network of people who, when in need, are "touch points" (pun intended) for any of the following reasons: vacation sex, lonely sex, moving-on sex, moving-up sex, moving-out sex, and just plain boredom.

It's always a good idea to have one or two "locals" in your arsenal for when circumstances deem appropriate, but you can't think small (again, pun intended). Sometimes work - and life - call for mobility. And when this happens, you'd best be prepared.

This weekend, I got a "Ludacris" phone call from an acquaintance I went to high school with. Nice guy, great guy, always fun to see and hang out with when the opportunity presents itself, like once every five years. The call itself was a bit random, given that he doesn't live anywhere near Atlanta, but he called to "wish me a nice St. Patrick's Day" and we talked for awhile so I just assumed he was bored and maybe needed some company or something.

Silly girl.

Towards the end of the conversation, he revealed - whether actually true or not - that he had had a crush on me in high school and thought I was great and just wanted to stay in touch.

Okay, fair enough.

And then..."So if you're ever in [city], you really should give me a call. We could go out to dinner or grab a drink or something, and then I could try to get in your pants. I'm sure you'd probably deny me but who are we kidding - I'll probably still try it anyway. Call me sometime!"

Whoa. F*ck. I'm fairly certain I was just added to his "Ho-nebook". You know, as a ho. In the 404 area code.

Truthfully, I wasn't terribly surprised at the concept itself. I mean, think about it: how many times have you liked someone who just wasn't geographically-desirable, but still good enough to hook up with if and when the stars aligned? And how many phone calls have you made or had someone make to you more or less stating this very phenomenon? I, myself, have done it many a time. Particularly if I anticipated visiting that very locale again in short time. After all, doesn't the promise of some hot physical action make going through the security line a little more bearable?

What surprised me; however, was the person who was requested my ho-eyness, because believe you me, we are about two degrees apiece from having already slept together. Which, in my conservative, "don't-do-your-friends'-guys-or-exes" eyes makes this a sexual misdemeanor of magnitude. (Although, in the interest of staying fair and true, this rule does apply to your personal friends. Significant others and their friends - so long as you're not still with the significant other - are always fair game.) Without getting into specifics, there is a 1.5% chance of my letting this happen due to the aforementioned. I don't do a friend's ex, nor do I do a friend's friend. And he is both, which means ixnay on the ookup-hay.

It was, however, quite flattering, and I would love to take him up on the dinner offer if I ever am in [city]. As long as he pays with cash. And I don't pay with any other type of currency.

How's that for a hook, Luda?

posted by KA @ 9:24 PM