Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Don't Forget to Spread The Love To The Easily Forgotten

I was thinking about Valentine's Day some more last night (who can possibly forget, as it seems to be the only thing my girlfriends are talking about this week). There are a lot of "forgotten" people that aren't appreciated on this holiday, and I just wanted to remind readers that if you're not going to send them a card, at least keep these people in mind on Monday (sort of like Veterans' Day, where we're all supposed to think about Veterans, but sadly, a lot of us end up thinking about what we're going to do with the three-day weekend).

The Friend-With-Benefits (FWB): The FWB always gets shafted on Valentine's Day. Why? Because they are good enough to be your friend, and they're good enough to sleep with, but they usually can't quite make the cut in the dating pool, or there's some absurdly reasonable reason why you aren't dating them (like they live in Cincinnati, for example...uh, just an example). If I were you, I'd make sure to thank any FWBs you have in your life. Thank them for being a friend and continually putting up with your shit. Thank them for letting you share their bed. And if not for any of these reasons, thank them for not saying anything when you make that weird noise.

The Ex Who Soured You On The Holiday: Most people have at least one ex that has soured them on holidays. Or birthdays. Or weekends. Or just continues to make them miserable on a daily basis. Fortunately, I don't have one of these at present, but I have in the past, and there is nothing like the despair one feels when they look down the tunnel that is their love life and see no light at the end of it. Man, it sucks to feel like you'll never get over someone. But eventually, you make out with enough people and you do. Honestly. Anyway, the ex should always be thanked, because really, Valentine's Day is sort of a ridiculous holiday, so for them to have soured you on it - at least they're keeping it in perspective for you.

Your Boss: Just kidding. Are you still reading? This was a test.

The One Night Stands: For me, these people are known as One Night Deals, which is different from a one night stand, because you don't sleep with them, you just hook up, and since I have (shockingly? embarrassingly? oddly?) never had a one night stand, I feel the need to differentiate. Thank these people for giving you good times over the past year, because they have enabled you to get a piece, enjoy yourself, and not have to worry about dealing with them the next morning. Be extra grateful if they leave late at night afterwards! God bless those people. Although according to last week's poll, most of you would sell your bodies on the street to spoon people, so you don't seem to mind. (I do. You don't just spoon anyone in my world.)

New Significant Others of Old Significant Others: If this were an acronym, it'd be NSOOSO, which is f*cked up. Anyway, I always like to think about exes who have new girlfriends, and I salute those girls. I salute them for taking them off of my hands, and wish them all the best in dealing with his commitment issues/phobias/weird sex requests. Good riddance.

posted by KA @ 11:08 AM