Confessions of A Naughty Girl

The Cradle Will Fall

Today was a weird day. A new Pope was elected (no hanging chads, thank goodness), it is the anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing, I finally switched my cell phone over and am officially in the 404, and my old co-worker became a daddy for the first time.

Being the excellent old co-worker I am, as soon as I heard the news this afternoon, I went to the mall after work to pick out a gift for little Max, who, by virtue of having the coolest parents ever, probably emerged from the womb with a bag of Hawaiian Gold and iShuffle earbuds in his ears, listening to Phish.

Let me state for the record that I am not experienced in picking out baby gifts. In fact, as I may have mentioned, the only thoughts I have about babies these days is praying that I don't end up accidentally having one. But I absolutely adore kids, and can't wait to have them - in another 5-10 years.

So I'm perusing the baby department, and all of the labels may have well been written in French, because I had zero idea what the difference was between 3 months and 3T. (Thankfully, the nice salespeople were kind enough to explain without rolling their eyes.) Let me tell you - kids have it made these days. I saw some of the cutest shit I've ever seen in my life...sleepers with duckies on them, designer onesies, cashmere blankets, and lots of footies - and footies are just about the cutest thing I can think of.

While shopping, it occurred to me that even the ugliest child could be adorable if they're dressed right. I mean, even though newborns look like wrinkled little prunes, so long as they're wearing some fuzzy green dinosaur outfit, complete with a stuffed tail, they produce a chorus of "oooohs" and "aaaaahhhhs" from everyone that sees them.

And then my next immediate thought was that ugly guys would have much better luck if they dressed like infants. (Some of them act like infants, but I am speaking about dress only here.) Take any ugly loser and put him in a jumper with felt cutouts of elephants and giraffes and I would probably coo over him like MJ coos over little boys sleeping in his bed. Seriously.

Am I sick, or what? I'm not even sure what the point of this post was. I do love footies, though.

posted by KA @ 9:14 PM