Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Highlights and Notes to Self

Here's a recap of my weekend:

Eating Indian food, with all due respect to Indian people, is harmful to your personal hygiene. It will seep through your pores, infiltrate your clothes, and render you to smell of curry for the next three days, no matter how many showers you take. It is the herpes of foreign cuisine.

Sydney Bristow is pregnant. So much for my self-actualizing visualization of looking like her while I'm at the gym. If I wanted to visualize being an inflated beach ball, I'd stay at home, eat some chips, and admire Britney Spears' ever-increasing ass. But I do wonder if the Garner/Affleck child will be a jowly, ass-kicking gambler, or a giant (he's 6'3"), costume-wearing drinker?

Guys, take note: if you call a girl more than once in a 24 hour period, she will be annoyed. If she calls you back, that is a good sign. If she doesn't, get lost.

On that note, asking someone out for a Sunday night on a Saturday night is a little creepy. Put a sock on it. Nothing's gonna get licked or nibbled on.

Women of all ages need (not want, not should have, but need) a girls' night every once in awhile. Recommended dishes: appetizers (Cheetos), refreshments (real Coca-Cola and red wine), entree (pizza with mushrooms and pepperoni), and dessert (more red wine, and Haagen Dazs Dulce de Leche ice cream). Entertainment should be lighthearted, mindless, and preferably stupid (like this weekend's entertainment, "She's All That", starring Rachel Leigh Cook, Freddie Prinze Jr., and guest-starring Sisqo and Lil Kim).

Ladies, waxing is good. Working out is good. Tanning is good. Just try not to do all three within a four-hour time span or you will end up looking like the "before" in a ProActiv infomercial. Trust.
Buying your mom a $60 bouquet from FTD.com will come back four-fold, as hopefully, if you have my luck, your mom will be the very last delivery of the day at 6 pm and she will get not only the beautiful tulips (and poem!) you sent her, but also the three other bouquets from recipients that weren't home. I'm betting there are three very pissed-off moms out there. Oh well, at least the roses look nice in the living room, or so I hear.

posted by KA @ 9:35 PM