Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Let the Games Begin

I'm back in the game. After a lengthy "guy-atus", I am going to venture back into the dating world. Dating is, in my opinion, a whole lot like Christmas. Much like Santa Claus, I have made my list, checked it twice, and have been at the gym, trying to shave off some pounds in the hopes of stuffing myself down someone's chimney, bag full of presents in hand. (Or "presence", I should say, ahahahahahaha.) There have been a couple of offers from friends here to set a little sumthin' sumthin' up, and I am finally ready to take the plunge. I hate blind dates, but I'm willing to give it a try in a new city where I no absolutely no one, except for my sister, a few scattered friends, and the 200 people I work with. Well, and the personal trainer, who looks like a monkey, and is married.

My fear of blind dates takes me back to three years ago, when my parents tried to set me up with a son of their family friends who I had never met, after I had just moved to Chicago. Nevermind the fact that I was dating someone else at the time, nevermind that the blind date was in the midst of a quarterlife crisis at the time and had just dropped out of stock investing to bartend at a sushi restaurant, and nevermind that our two prior phone conversations were awkward and it seemed like we had nothing in common -- I was going on this date, like it or not. I mean, I had to - when parents start scheming to set their kids up, it's like the modern-day equivalent of an arranged marriage. Like it or not, you have to at least go, or else your parents don't get the three sheep and herd of cattle they've had their eye on since last season.

Not wanting to disappoint my parents, and also slightly curious and optimistic (two traits that could be considered downfalls in the world of blind dating), I obliged. We met at a Thai restaurant he insisted on taking me to (knock #1, I hate Thai food), and my first impression was less than stellar. My parents, who had met him before, told me that he looked a little like an exotic Casey Affleck. The truth of the matter was that he looked like a cross between Owen Wilson and the "Where's the Beef" lady. And I still suspect, to this day, that he had a bit of a lazy eye.

Dinner was awkward, and made even more so when his cell phone began to ring off the hook. He took every call. This was almost a relief, as his conversations with other people meant we didn't have to talk, but still. I had to look at him, and that alone was painful. The best call came about halfway through dinner when he answered and said, "Yeah, I'm out with her...hmm, I don't know, I mean, she's cute, but we'll see..." and then looked at me and winked. Yikes. After dinner, one of the friends who had called wanted to meet up, so he tells me, "I'm sorry, but I really should go..." I replied, "No, no problem. I totally understand." And then he kind of cocked his head at me and said, "Well, are you sure? I mean, you're not mad that I didn't invite you? You can come, I guess, but I really haven't hung out with him in a long time." I was so disappointed that a winner like himself had decided that "we'll see" meant, "I'm going to hang out with my friend because I'm probably just gay and trying to cover it up", but I put my heartache aside, politely declined, and stated that I was taking a cab ride home. Sensing that I was really irritated at having wasted my time, he offered to pay...and then handed me three dollar bills. Wow! A whole three dollars? Can you imagine what would have happened if I would have kissed him? Shit, I may had even been able to get myself to Lake Shore Drive. The three dollars was not nearly enough to cover even half of my $10 cab ride, so again, I declined. But I was so pissed at this point that I lost the temporary brain filter I had tried so hard to have and said, "No thanks, I'm not a hooker. You're disgusting," and walked away. Not surprisingly, I never heard from him again.

The other two blind dates I've had in my life weren't nearly as bad, but they certainly weren't nearly as good, either, so you can see where I'm skeptical. But hey, you never know, right? Let the games begin, bitches. If nothing else, I'll at least have some good stories to share.

posted by KA @ 1:32 PM