I'll Have Another Vodka Toxic, Please
Recipe for a Vodka Toxic:
3 oz. fascination
2 oz. self-loathing
3 oz. persistence
1/2 oz. control
Bitterness to taste
Combine ingredients in a big bowl.
Shake and serve over crushed ice.
I am convinced that you cannot be a single person in your twenties without at least one vodka toxic in your arsenal, or in your current cache of interpersonal relationships.
A vodka toxic? A toxic relationship. Also, as I like to call it, a "A King-Sized Snickers". The relationship that has the same ramifications as a king-sized candy bar. You want it pretty badly, but you also have a sinking feeling that it'll go right to your fat ass, so you debate over it and ultimately always lose because you either sacrifice your personal happiness or graduate to elastic waistband "slacks".
3 oz. fascination
2 oz. self-loathing
3 oz. persistence
1/2 oz. control
Bitterness to taste
Combine ingredients in a big bowl.
Shake and serve over crushed ice.
I am convinced that you cannot be a single person in your twenties without at least one vodka toxic in your arsenal, or in your current cache of interpersonal relationships.
A vodka toxic? A toxic relationship. Also, as I like to call it, a "A King-Sized Snickers". The relationship that has the same ramifications as a king-sized candy bar. You want it pretty badly, but you also have a sinking feeling that it'll go right to your fat ass, so you debate over it and ultimately always lose because you either sacrifice your personal happiness or graduate to elastic waistband "slacks".
A vodka toxic is not an obsession. No. It's quite complicated. Lust, or at least fascination, is definitely a part of it, but that certainly doesn't define it. What defines a toxic relationship is usually some sort of "oh shit" feeling, usually at the moment you meet the other person, or shortly thereafter. The "oh shit" feeling that leads to that gut feeling that you are no longer the same kind of person because here is someone who is somehow going to shake you to the core, even though you don't know them well and don't know how they're going to shake you. It's a kind of chemistry. Magnetism. Insert dramatic simile here.
At any rate, the problem with toxic relationships is that they are exactly that - toxic. More often than not, these relationships do not result in best friendship. They do not result in marriage. They result in months and sometimes years of personal interrelationship hell that is bound to give you enough baggage to qualify you for free Super Saver Shipping on Amazon. They seep into your life and threaten to poison you if they are left to their own devices. They cause you undue stress and anger, and I can almost guarantee that you will turn to vodka at least once to take the edge off of some scathing comment the person made to you - hence, the vodka toxic.
It starts innocently enough. You have a lot in common, you want to hang out all the time...there is a certain degree of mutual admiration and emulation of one another. You think the world of the person. They can do no wrong. You guys laugh. Occasionally, someone cries, and the other person proves themselves able to pick up the pieces. It is people like these and feelings like these that make you glad you're human. They make you glad to be able to relate to other people, to feel like someone actually "gets" you.
Then, one day, something changes. Everything you loved about the person is now incredibly irritating. You f*ck one another over. You realize it's kind of fun to kiss and make up. You do it some more. You begin to attribute everything to character flaws...but continue to make excuses for their behavior. And then one day, with the shift of a wind, all of that chemistry manifests into hostility. And the next thing you know, all you ever do is push one another's buttons and do things to hurt one another. The more hurtful, the better.
Some people call this a marriage.
If that's true, it's no wonder the divorce rate is so high.
Every single good friend I have has had, or has, one of these types of relationships. One friend of mine has it with an ex. Another has it with a good girl friend. I can count two that I've had in the last two years (one a relationship and the second a friendship), the second of which promptly combusted in my face today. After months of turbulence within this particular friendship, it blew up. Friends no more. Done. Finished. And this time, unlike all of the other times, there won't be any drunken apologies and love and hugs like there have been a million times before. There will only be the sad realization that there's no point in bothering, because no matter how much I really love this person, they just complicate shit. And let's face it - the last thing anyone needs in life is more complication.
This isn't a boo hoo. Don't cry for me. It really is okay. But I guess more than anything, I'm just very angry that it is what it is. I am angry that we grew apart. I am angry that I saw this coming and didn't try to change it. Overall, I wish that there was less immaturity and more articulation, less stubbornness and more laughter.
Toxic relationships are a necessarily evil, one that I am still trying to figure out. But until then, thanks for the goodtimes Buddy, you know who you are. May you be blessed with the enlightenment of what a total fuck-up you really are, and may you live to regret it. I think I'll pour myself a glass of wine now. Cheers.
posted by KA @ 9:05 PM
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