Confessions of A Naughty Girl

It's Been A Janet Jackson Thursday

I've had three wardrobe malfunctions today.

(1) I discovered that my pants had a broken zipper as I was in the car driving to lunch with my friend Robyn. Robyn, ever the laid-back compatriot, optimistically noted that "it's a good thing you're wearing underwear, otherwise I'd be able to see all your trimmings!" I spent the rest of the day furiously pulling my shirt down in the hopes that no one would mistake my crotchal area for a turkey.

(2) At 4:45 pm, we had a cube birthday party for a co-worker in the department. My friend Laura looked over at me at one point and asked, "What's that on your arm?" I suddenly noticed a giant bulge underneath my shirt that made me look like I'd stuffed my right bicep. I reached in and pulled out...a dryer sheet.

(3) As I was coming home from work, I was unloading my gym bag, which included dirty workout clothes from this morning that I intended to bring back to my apartment to throw in the washer. I noticed a new neighbor moving in upstairs, and cordially introduced myself to her and her parents, who were helping her move. As I went to shake her father's hand, I felt something underneath my arm drop. Both the father and I immediately stepped aside and he reached down to bend over and pick it up. We both froze in horror as we realized that the only item of clothing to fall onto the parking lot surface was a pair of (worn) black satin bikini underwear.

I then, like a bumbling idiot, said, "Oh no, sorry, don't get that. It's my dirty gym underwear from this morning."

He chuckled and replied, "Wow...it's an undergarment. I'll let you get that."

And then...silence.

Good thing I haven't left my apartment since. It's obviously time to call it a day before my tits just randomly fly out of my shirt while shopping at Target.

posted by KA @ 11:19 PM