Confessions of A Naughty Girl

I Need A F*cking Dunkin' Donut

Good morning. I just got home. It is 7:55 am. Why I am up at this blessed hour, I have no idea. Oh wait, maybe it's because I passed out at midnight after drinking for 8 hours at the employee Christmas/Hanukkah party. Right, okay, I remember now.

I don't have much to say about last night, out of respect for the readers and whatnot. I will say that it was fun though, and that's all that matters. And I'll also give anyone who is reading a couple pieces of general advice in regards to appropriate conduct at employee parties (and no, I'm not saying any of this has or did happen to me, most of it is pure observation):

• Do not use the expression "Get the f*ck out" to your boss, or jokingly say, "F*ck you". This is not from personal experience, but rather from that of one of my co-workers. Monday morning will be interesting, don't you think?
• Don't get your meat where you get your bread. Meaning, don't put yourself in the situation where you are asking a co-worker or boss to pass the condom instead of the calculator. This is a sketchy move, so if you're planning on doing this, make sure it's not because of some hidden motive to score a bigger salary/better stapler/reserved parking space, etc., and that it's actually because you're just horny and stupid and happen to be standing next to them.
• The office slut will always hit on the bartender/server/maitre'd. It's just the way it goes.
• Where and whenever appropriate, bring a spouse or significant other to keep you in check, unless your spouse or significant other is an alcoholic. Then you're f*cked.

Unrelated: I awoke this morning to 4 missed calls - three from a guy I dated in high school (we are still friends), and one from Second Chance, with whom I am supposed to go to the art museum today, if I don't pass out on my couch in front of a "Beverly Hills 90210" rerun on FX first. Interesting that none - I repeat, none - of the messages were intelligible. I was thinking to myself that maybe we ought to tip them off to switching to Nextel.

posted by KA @ 7:59 AM