Panty Protocol
I've gotten quite a bit of feedback from friends lately, and I just wanted to thank everyone for their support (even Paul). It has been brought to my attention that some readers would like further enlightenment as to how women think about men and how/why we act the way we do. Apparently not all guys are cocky bastards who assume girls love their every action. This is comforting.This provides a nice little segue to a hard and fast rule I call "Panty Protocol". Now honestly, I hate the word "panty". It makes me sick. But I am using this word because it's good alliteration.
Panty Protocol is as follows: pay attention to girls' panties. I know it's a stretch, and I know you really wonder why you should give a shit, but honestly, most girls that I know have a Panty Protocol.
Pick your style - brief, bikini, or thong...
Anything in cotton or some other "cozy" fabric is generally (but not always) worn for one of three occasions:
1. she wasn't expecting to see you and it was last-minute,
2. she is probably hooking up with you out of boredom and doesn't care what you think, or
3. all the cute pairs are dirty.
Conversely, if any of the following criteria apply:
1. the pair contains lace, frills, or silk in its design,
2. it is black,
3. it is a thong of any other material except for cotton,
then you're golden.
Explanation: We think about everything we wear when we go out. And if we think we're going to score, we think twice. Any sort of frilly or cute panties are indicative of a girl whose motive is to be seen in the underwear. By you. Sure, there are exceptions, but for the most part, cotton is reserved for weekdays and situations where you really don't care. Hope this clears things up.
Example #1: If I am going out with Mr. Hotness (see below) tonight, I would consider wearing a thong (not cotton), or satin bikini underwear, or some frilly looking shit because I want to look cute and I am hoping he will see me in them.
Example #2: If I am going out with Media Maguire, I would wear cotton briefs because there "ain't" no way in hell he's seeing my underwear ever again, so who cares what I wear?
Example #3: If Mr. Hotness calls at the last-minute and I don't have time to change, I will wear whatever and hope that he doesn't hold whatever pair I am wearing against me, if it's bad.
posted by KA @ 9:37 PM
2 Comments:
We had this conversation over lunch a couple of days ago. Back in my heyday, we (my sporting buds and I) used to "make love" to women and then take their undies as sort of a trophy. When they would ask, "What happened to my favorite pair of satin crotchless edible thongs that I have to hide from daddy?" I would say, "Whoops, I must have flushed them down the toilet with the raincoat." Again, boundries? Were they crossed? I think not! If you can talk about cotton panties being held against you by Mr. Midget (they prefer to be called little people) Pinky Finger Ring, than I can talk about stealing undies from unsuspecting women!
Thanks for that share. By the way, I am still looking for the black satin thong. Just kidding.
Post a Comment
<< Home