Confessions of A Naughty Girl

The Barren Land of the Infertile

I feel that we didn't do the monkeys justice, so I'm giving it a go with the whole one-topic tie-in yet again this week. I have the feeling I won't stay on topic, but I'll try. Sometimes I think writing a blog is like taking the SAT or the GRE - puzzling, challenging, and a necessary evil without the promise of a good result.

Good thing I wasn't planning on having a family anytime soon. True to my promise, I tried my sister's spinning class at the gym. (She's a spinning instructor, when she's not busy making assloads of money as an attorney while I'm eating tunafish out of those little pouches for dinner because I make less money than your average McDonald's cashier.) I am confident after an hour of having my feet strapped in stirrups and sliding my ass on and off that seat in an attempt to shrink it, that I will be unable to reproduce for a good long while. Which reminds me of a good joke I just made up:

Joke: How are taking a spinning class and going to the female doctor different?
Punchline: I have no idea.

On second thought, maybe infertility will make me more marketable to men in the short-term?

Speaking of the market, I wish someone would take me off of it. There is a boy. He is really interested in me. I am not interested in him. I think we have less in common than Alf and Pat Robertson. I do not want to go out with him. He keeps calling. This hasn't happened in awhile, and I am beginning to feel like a hypocrite. Whenever this happens to a friend, I am always an advocate of being polite, but honest, yet somehow, I am having a hard time breaking this guy's heart, for fear that I'll leave him emotionally infertile and scarred for life. Imagine that.

Has anyone been surfing E! Online this week?! I'm sure their ad rates have skyrocketed recently, because they have hit the jackpot with celebrity gossip, and everyone I know is talking about it. Apparently, Renee Zellweger married some country Chester guy or something...wait, did anyone just hear that loud noise? It sounded like a shotgun. Expect a baby announcement from Zellweger shortly. Trust.

The Amazing Race - what a bunch of babies. Just kidding. But seriously, I couldn't be happier that Uchenna and Joyce took the $1 mil. And as soon as the host asked them what they're doing next and Uchenna said, "We're going for a baby," my sister and I just about lost it. I was sobbing...slightly. Or maybe there was something in my eye. Yes, that's it, something in the eye.

Why is it that the second you stop paying attention to a guy, he starts acting like a baby, trying everything in the book to get your attention? I finally decided to start ignoring someone who was bugging me, and now he's buying me candy bars (smart one - he obviously knows my heart is through my stomach) and acting like an infant to get my attention. I swear, it's like weaning him off the nipple.

I just compared male-female interaction to a nipple. Time to stop posting.

posted by KA @ 10:45 PM