Confessions of A Naughty Girl

The In-Roads to Circle Jerks

I haven't ranted lately, because all has been going well in the Boy Department, but there really are a few general things I have been thinking about lately that I must get off my chest, so here is a running list of Things That Will Inevitably Ensure That You Will Go Home Alone:

Being passive-aggressive: Okay, so everyone goes out and is having a good time, and said Boy decides to take off and go to another bar, and then proceeds to call/text message you the rest of the night asking you where the hell you are and why you're not at the bar that he is at. This has never made any sense to me. Show up, or go home alone. Simple choice.

Going out in droves: This can apply to girls as well. Why, unless you're with an extremely huge group of people for a specific reason, do boys go out in groups of five or six? Frat time is over. Play foosball at home if you want to hang out with that many people of the same sex at one time, seriously. If you're looking to get a piece of action, and you go out with five other guys, it is almost mathematically proven that one of your friends will be hotter than you. Your odds decrease dramatically as the number in the group goes up, as does your approachability. Is this hard to understand? Do this, and more often than not, you will go home alone.

Boys who dance with you, and then proceed to get off on your leg: This only applies to a small percentage of the male population, but it is a small percentage too much. If attempting to climax while simply dancing with a girl at a bar is all it takes, why don't you stay home, or at least go out with a group of six guys, where you're guaranteed to go home and participate in circle jerks.

Boys who can't close the deal: You like a girl. You talk to her. You call her, or show up where she is. You obviously like her. Yet despite being given every possible in, you do not bite the bullet and ask her out. Not only do you look like a weenie, but you don't get laid. Save your breath and stay at home...alone.

I feel like all of these situations are obvious, yet I continue to come across repeat offenders. I swear I need to write a book about this shit.

posted by KA @ 9:40 PM