Confessions of A Naughty Girl

The Pinot-Weeno Test, A Perfectly Acceptable Replacement for the First Date

I hate dating. Hate it, hate it, hate it. There is something so forced about it - like when you buy a present for someone and buy a gift box and realize that you bought the wrong size and you're trying to fit a new sweater into a box that could hold a sock. Not to mention the pressure. Who's paying? What are we doing? And can't we just get this shit out of the way and make out already? (This is, of course, assuming there is a very strong attraction to the person. If you're not sure, it's worse - the inevitable "Well, would I want to kiss him?" will pester and plague you for most of the night.)

I haven't been on a million dates, but I've been on enough to decisively say that I've really only had 3 great dates in my entire life. And I knew all three of the guys prior to the date, which probably explains it. Every other "formal" date I've had has been a bust. Trust.

Most times, the best way to really feel someone out (no pun intended), and the best way I've ever known to figure out if you really like the person and want to potentially be with them, is to rent a couple of movies (preferably action movies - they're dramatic enough to pay attention if it sucks, but usually don't have sex scenes, which could make things uncomfortable), pop open a couple bottles of pinot grigio (or pinot noir, if you're a red fan, although I prefer Beaujolais), and let it flow. If the conversation dies anytime before the first bottle, it's time to either pop open the second, or call it a night. If you've decided to hit the liquor store together for a third bottle, well then, looks like you're either getting laid, having a second date, or maybe both. If you hit the liquor store up for bottle #3 by yourself, you might have a drinking problem.

This whole concept has been coined as "Pinot-Weeno", for lack of a better term. Have some pinot, hopefully it leads to some weeno action. I think that our society should just chuck the idea of dinner and a movie (or dinner and drinks, what have you), and go for Pinot-Weeno. From now on, I am definitely going this route.

posted by KA @ 7:16 PM