Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Happy Holidays! Now Hand Me The Hammer So I Can Bash My Own Head In

Hello, three blog readers! Long time no speak. I know, I'm a day late and a dollar short, but there's a lot going on, so take a deep breath and try to follow.

I am overworked. Despite having Friday off, I may go in to work on Friday. I have sent over 120 media buys to clients in the last week. I have nearly peed my pants from having no time to take a bathroom break. I have developed a temporary hunchback. I even thought about jumping out of my 14th floor window around 11 am this morning due to stress, but then quickly changed my mind when someone IMed me about lunch, and I was cheered up by the thought of a french dip sandwich at Rising Roll.

I am buying a new car on Saturday. I am buying a house within the next three months. Ironically enough, the only thing I can't buy is vacation time, which is the one thing I really need at this point, because working 12 hour days and sleeping 5 hours a night is not cutting it.

But between the wings, the Acura, the realtor, and the mysterious purple bruise on my thigh that hurts like a bitch, I managed to have a pretty good holiday. I went to Botox Raton, spent some time with my parents, ate a lot of sushi, watched a couple of good movies, read great books, and slept quite a bit.

And now it's time for New Years. Whoopee. No, seriously.

As I mentioned last year, New Year's is not a favorite holiday. It is the most overrated, hyped excuse for getting belligerently drunk and puking that I've ever known. And it always turns out badly, because the pressure proves to be too much. Let's consult a guest editor for further proof, The Ghost of New Year's Past:

2000: KA is in Florida with her parents and sister over Winter Break. After a champagne dinner and board games, KA's parents retire at 10 pm, and her sister passes next to her on the couch in the living room. KA wakes everyone up for the turn of the century, the family engages in sleepy hugs, and everyone resumes sleep except for KA, who watches the world ring in Y2K in various cities across the world on CNN. And sadly, even the beggars in Bangladesh seemed to be having more fun.

2001: KA returns from a trip to Israel on New Year's Eve with the most foul case of food poisoning ever documented. She ate some bad vegetables at the airport in Tel Aviv and spent the return flight throwing up and shivering in First Class. The flight, which normally takes 11 hours, took 14, due to air traffic and a detour through Greenland while crossing the Atlantic, plus a turbulent 2 hour flight from JFK back to Cleveland. Her boyfriend picks her up at the airport and they head to a friend's New Year's party, where KA is forced to go upstairs at 11:15 and lay down until midnight because she is still so violently ill. She rings in the New Year with her boyfriend, who hugs her, and he takes her home and she passes out shortly after midnight.

2002: Back in Florida. KA and good friend from college who is visiting decide to hit up a Mardi Gras themed bar party in Botox Raton, due to not being able to afford shit in the way of a NYE party in South Beach. KA and friend get staggeringly drunk and sneak into the VIP room with some guy and his friends. KA makes out with the guy and, to this day, only remembers having called him Asti Spumanti the entire night, but doesn't know why. She does, however, remember that he looked like the geek from "16 Candles". Who cares, at least the VIP room was fun.

2003: KA goes to bar party with friends in Chicago, and then heads to a private party. She picks up some guy who was a fraternity brother of a friend of a friend, after he and his other ugly friend fight over who wants to kiss her at midnight. This is probably not because both found her attractive, but more so because the bar party was a total sausage-fest and most of the girls there had boyfriends. Her newfound friend insists on cabbing it to the private party with her (despite not even living in Chicago), and babbles incoherently the entire way. Five minutes into the party, the host finds KA's newfound date passed out face down in the spinach dip. She hails him a cab, tells the driver to drop him off on the corner of two streets that didn't even intersect, and sends him on his way. She had no idea if he ever got home okay, seeing as she didn't know where the hell to send him. She later finds out he made it home just fine, and in perfect timing to do another line of coke, because apparently he was coked up, stoned, and belligerent by 9 pm that night, well before she met him. And knowing that, it's a miracle she let him get away so easily.

2004: KA rings the New Year in Chicago, at a friend's private party. Every single person at the party has a date/boyfriend/spouse. KA kisses her friend's boyfriend on the cheek at 12:02, goes home shortly thereafter, and ponders self-mutilation.

2005: KA has three separate party plans, all of which fall through. She rents movies, stays at home, and passes out at 11:30.

Sure, we all want to drink heavily, kiss someone at midnight, and ring in the New Year drunk and laid. But more often than not, at least in my experience, the best one can hope for in any given year is a decent buzz deep enough to ignore the person's face you're kissing at midnight, and passing out in a relatively chaste state of nudity.

This year, I am ringing in 2K6 with my closest friends, including my Wife Erica at a bar party thrown by a good friend of mine and her husband. I already have my Wife locked down for my midnight kiss (no tongue - mutually agreed upon), although I happen to know that an acquaintance of Wife's who I have had a massive crush on for months, and to who I will only refer to as "Cute Boy", will be making an appearance, and a liplock with him is preferable (no offense Wife, you seem like a very good kisser from what I have witnessed between you and various men).

But on that same note, I am convinced that 2K6 on this blog will be better than ever before, you just wait. Goals include expanding readership from 3 readers to 5 (just kidding, there is actually quite a bit of activity on the Sitemeter, and for that I thank you), and branching out into some new things that I am confident y'all will love, so stay tuned.

posted by KA @ 11:21 PM