Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Home Is Where The Bar Is

Well well, it seems we have some catching up to do. Or I do, at least.

Thanksgiving 2005 was...almost perfect. It was a damn near flawless trip. I had a chance to hang with Dad. It was a Parent Trap Thanksgiving this year - my mom and sister were in Florida, supposedly fixing my parents' house there post Hurricane Wilma. Fixing it while they lounged-by-the-pool-and-walked-on-the-beach-and-went-to-the-awesome-Kyojin-sushi-buffet-for-every-meal. I'm not sure why I hyphenated all of that; I think I just like the look of it.

While they were shopping and hitting up the sushi buffet, my father and I proceeded to hit every buffet in the Northeast Ohio area. I think that after being married for 32 years, the mere thought of my mom being gone sends my dad into middle-aged rebellion. When they're apart, he trades in long walks and shopping for long stretches on his Archie Bunker recliner chair, eating salami sandwiches and watching the ten DVDs he's rented from Hollywood Video (note: Father does not - I repeat - does not rent videos from Blockbuster. And if you ask him why, you will hear a thirty-minute long diatribe about the convenience and plentiful stock of Hollywood Video, and how Blockbuster is going down. Trust. My dad does have a knack for calling these things, though - he predicted the downfall of the AOL web browser in 1999, and I'd bet he's pretty f*cking accurate. Their stock value has decreased insanely and their board members have dropped like flies while they scramble to compete with Microsoft, Firefox, Mozilla, etc. not to mention a more tech-saavy society and high-speed providers. But I digress.) So basically, my Thanksgiving - at least the family portion - consisted of salami sandwiches, about a thousand foreign films, a recliner chair, and the following buffets: sushi, Golden Corral, Chinese, Golden Corral, and sushi. Nicely summarized.

Oh, and we went car shopping. Oh, and I'm buying a new car in three weeks. But more on that another time, as it deserves an entire post on its own.

In between bouts of vomiting buffet food, I managed to go out and see some old faces. I saw Sanchez, who reminded me of exactly why she's one of my favorite people on the planet, and we (well, she, as I was pretty tame) stirred up some trouble at the local bars. I drank the perfect amount - enough to enjoy myself at maximum sassiness and tell one of the ModishMeN that after his post on balls, I wanted to punch him in the face, but was now over it - but not enough to get pulled over and/or go home with someone I would regret.

I also attended the wedding of two very good friends of mine whom I introduced. There were no public props given to me, which saddened me, as I always like to be the center of attention as much as possible, but when I spoke with the mother of the groom, she said, "It's so good to see the KA who is responsible for this...God bless you, dear. I hope someday you'll be lucky enough to find someone who loves you as much as these two love each other."

I'll be lucky enough? What, am I that f*cking ugly?

Instead I bit my tongue and politely replied, "Ohhh...no one wants that more for myself than me, Mrs. Taylor. Good talking to you. I'm going to hunt down another vodka tonic for myself now." Open bar, God bless you!

Also notable about this wedding was the fact that yes, I f*cking rocked the dancing circle. I was responsible for the dancing circle. And once I saw the bride's mother dancing to "Ditty" by Paperboy, I wondered what anyone would do without me.

But for as cool as the dancing circle was, someone had to try to one-up me when "C'mon Ride the Train" came on. And I, master of special event dancing, was disgusted. I am down for just about anything on the dance floor. You want a little "Who Let the Dogs Out?" Let's go. A little electric slide? I can squat down and hit the floor with my knee. The Thriller? I can handle it. But I do not do The Train, in the same way that my dad wouldn't be caught dead into going into Blockbuster. So, doing what any bossy dancer would, I filibustered The Train and discouraged all friends from joining. It broke up after three minutes. Yeah, that's what I thought.

Over the course of the weekend, I managed to see almost everyone on my "hit list". And although I haven't seen some for months, it was good to be reminded that good people - and good friends - never change. They only get better.

All in all, a damn-near-perfect Thanksgiving. But I could have done without a buffet (or two).

posted by KA @ 10:32 PM