Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Who Talks More Shit?

There used to be a quiet time in my life where no one talked shit.

That was 1980.

Since then, my social surroundings and interactions have consisted of almost 25 years of gossip, speculation, rumors, stories, and whispers in the ladies restroom (which is really - 9 times out of 10 - why we tend to flock there in groups).

Why are we so obsessed with gossip? I mean, what is it about juicy details that we're not supposed to know that is so captivating and addictive?

Wherever I go lately, people seem to be all up in the gossip. Gossip about work - who left where, who was coming in, who fought, who is sleeping together. Gossip about friends - who f*cked who over, who likes who, who is annoyed with who. And of course, gossip about relationships - for girls, this would be who's endowed, who was selfish in the bedroom, who's a Dick, who is on his way to being whipped enough by his girlfriend's "trick pelvis" to buy an engagement ring at Tiffany's.

And although the female stereotype seems to be known for being the petty, catty sex, I've noticed that men seem to be just as bad, if not worse. If I had a quarter for every time I busted male friends discussing girls - whether assessing hotness, sexual prowess, rack - I wouldn't need a 401k. Men seem to be just as good at the rumor initiating and spreading as anyone else. And, in fact, I think they're worse than women. In fact, I commend them. Because not only do they tend to do it more powerfully - they're better at it.

Seriously?

Seriously. The reason for this is simple - the stereotype of women being petty and dramatic. People expect women to gossip. We, as women, expect ourselves to gossip. In fact, if a group of women are standing in a group, and someone starts discussing a rumor, if one woman declares that she is not getting involved -- and then walks away and doesn't come back (as opposed to proper gossip etiquette, which is to declare that you are not getting involved, turn around, and then walk right back and interject with something particularly nasty) -- every other woman in the group will stare at her like she has three heads, and then proceed to make her the next topic of conversation. Thus, the expectations of women gossiping and spreading rumors is pretty low.

Men are a bit trickier. The stereotype of men is that they tend to be more stoic, less dramatic, more simple, and more focused creatures. If given the choice on a Monday night between football and sitting in a circle talking about how fat Michael Vick's thighs are, I am fairly confident that 9 out of 10 would opt for football. Why? Because there are two types of guys in this world - those who like football, and liars. Yet men still talk shit, and quite a bit of it. But it's different - for men, it's not the focal point of the conversation. It's more of an ad hominem, a trivia question, a fun fact for everyone to know. I know how it's done - I have been around groups of dudes before who are watching some game, and then a girl will call someone's cell phone. And then someone says, "Who was that?" And the guy whose cell phone rang says, "That bitch from the other night." And some jackass third guy, probably a Dick, will say, "I heard she gave Jim bad head in the bathroom at the bar last weekend."

You see? That is gossip done right, if such a thing exists.

In that one line, the guy is just as destructive and just as powerful as a woman's 15 minute soliloquy on how she heard that Jen's boyfriend won't do the swirly when they're hooking up - maybe even more so, simply because it's dropped as the dingleberry (pardon the word) in the toilet of bullshit, as opposed to the main event.

Thus, I would make the argument that men arguably gossip more - and do so more effectively - than women. But I'm interested in opening this up to the floor: which sex tends to talk more shit?

posted by KA @ 10:23 PM