Confessions of A Naughty Girl

My Best Friend Said I Used to F*ck With Usher...

What a weekend.

I slept for a combined 24 hours, test drove 5 cars, went to two movies, and ate like a fat kid in a fat tree at yet another work holiday dinner (How many of these can I have?!).

My fat-ass weekend was not without its merits, though. On Saturday, I flew to L.A. (went car shopping) with my hot boyfriend (friend Evan). We were checking some things out (Acura TSX), because next week, I am buying (with help from a parental loan) a new car, free and clear of lease or bank loan (I will owe them money for the rest of my natural-born life).

So we're at the Lotus Club in L.A. (Porsche dealership) because after my spa treatment (driving and confirming that I wanted to buy the TSX), he insisted that we booze it up, celebrity style (He test drives the Carrera, pretending he can afford to own one, although he does own a really nice car now, but still not within Carrera range. Not even close.).

We check out the scene (he ogles the models in the showroom, I talk on my cell phone), and while checking it out, I overhear the salesman tell my boyfriend (still my friend Evan), that he keeps trying to sell this $1,000,000,000,000,000 Batmobile ($600,000 Batmobile) to someone.

Five minutes later (10 minutes later), once I am off the cell phone, Evan turns to me and says, "I'm done here." ("Why the hell were you on your cell phone for 10 minutes? I've been sufficiently snubbed by the salesman. Let's go.") He then says, "What are you doing, staring at Usher?" ("What are you doing, staring at Usher?")

Hold up.

Usher? Who said anything about Usher?

Turns out, Usher had been stalking me (total random circumstance), and was now sitting in his Hummer at the dealership, waiting on the salesman to come out to his car to give him some one-on-one, personal ego-stroking.

Once I knew he was there, I told Evan we should probably stick around to hang out (begged him to obsessively watch Usher interact with anyone or anything in person). Evan refused.

And right before I agreed (had to be literally dragged away by my arm), Usher rolled down his driver's side window of the Hummer (got out of his car and approached me). He walked up to me (made eye contact with me), grabbed me (smiled), and kissed me square on the mouth (turned to his drop-dead gorgeous girl in the passenger's seat and talked to her).

For one shining moment, I flipped into this fantasy where he told his supermodel passenger to get the f*ck out so he could approach me and make me a part of his personal entourage, but then I looked down and realized - I was wearing jeans, running shoes, and a black fleece, and my hair was messy and I had not even the smallest bit of makeup on. Who was I kidding? He was probably looking at his girlfriend, smirking, and saying, "Yeah, um, whatever you do, never ever look like that around me."

So that was my claim to fame, my moment, my incredible experience (quasi-stalkerish encounter). Now he keeps calling (I didn't even speak to him), but I'm just not ready for a relationship (yeah right).

posted by KA @ 9:36 PM