Confessions of A Naughty Girl

The Chivalry Patrol

As a woman, there is nothing better than having a group of boys to defend your honor when it's being threatened.

Oh, wait. Hi. How was your weekend? Are you more tired today than you were going in, like I am?

So this weekend was a little bit of everything good all rolled up into one. I got some tennis, some pool, some sleep, some errands, some day tripping, and a lot of going out. A lot. Like, a ridiculous amount. So much so that I (almost) caused a bar fight, accidentally made out with my friend, met a guy who I'm convinced is perfection personified, and as a result, spent most of my Memorial Day passed out on the couch, plum tuckered out.

The trouble began on Friday. I met up with about seven or eight friends, all of whom were in town for the weekend. We drank, celebrating a fellow friend's birthday, and the fact that we were embarking on Day 1 of a glorious three-day weekend. All was well until my friend - my very platonic friend - got a little angry with a guy I was talking to. Apparently "the guy was speaking to me in a very condescending tone" - or, as I believe, "the guy was speaking to me". The next thing you know, heated words are being exchanged, there is some shoving, my other male friends jump in, this douchebag's friends jump in, and I find myself begging my friend not to beat the shit out of this drunken douchebag I didn't want to talk to in the first place. Fortunately, my friend's bladder rang, so we ambushed the bathroom and snuck him out the back before he could head back to where aforementioned Douchebag was located and get all of us into some serious trouble.

The rest of the night was blurry, except for the part where my ordinarily chivlarous, gentlemanly, platonic friend took me a little by surprise in the parking lot of the bar and decided to lay one on me. And then again in the car. And then again before I dropped him off. And then again after he asked me to come in. Eek. I won't share anymore with you, other than that it was the first time in my life that I was 100% surprised by someone's motives. I am too confused by the rest of this story so I'm just moving on.

The night was great, save for the fact that I woke up at 9 AM the next morning to head to Athens for the day with my sister. Athens, GA, that is. I wanted to see what the big whoop about Georgia was. It was nice. No big whoop.

I stayed in on Saturday, because the truth was, if I didn't, I would probably throw up smelling someone's beer. Plus, no one else was going out, and I had to gear up for Sunday.

Sunday started normally...well, kind of. I walked in to the bar to meet the same friends from Friday, except for this time, there was a guy I had never seen before. A tall, tanned, blue-eyed, smoking hot guy. He may have had a halo over his head, I'm not sure. He was a perfect angel. And he was all mine. For two hours. For whatever reason, we kind of gravitated toward one another, and spent the better part of the night talking. Me likey. I'll keep you posted on that one.

He had to get up early, so he left early. And then more melee ensued. There was more drinking, and another quasi-fight...this time between my male friends and a bartender who was rude to my friend Susie. At this point I dubbed them "The Chivalry Patrol". Poised to take over the world, this dynamic duo travels the Highlands by foot, searching high and low for men who are treating their woman friends disrespectfully.

The Chivalry Patrol continued their quest to eradicate unchivalrous behavior at around 4 am later that night, when, after a series of relentless phone calls from an ex, the Chivalry Patrol proceeded to confiscate my phone and answer the phone with heavy breathing and chants of "Leave her alone" every time he called. Which was...well, repeatedly. My friend who shoved his tongue down my throat, by the way, did not take these phone calls well, but as I like to say, love me, love my baggage. Actually, I've never said that, but I didn't really have a good segue out of this story.

Monday, I slept. Pretty much all day. I pretty much didn't leave the house until it was time to go to my friend Susie's for some chicken curry and good conversation. And then, before I knew it, the Chivalry Tour of Duty was over and it was back to work on Monday morning.

I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard.

posted by KA @ 2:11 PM