Confessions of A Naughty Girl

Throw Me A Loaf of Bread Or I Am A Nasty Bitch

Today is Day 4 of not eating carbohydrates. While I realize that this isn't wholly healthful, I have a wedding coming up in a month and I'd prefer to not have to return the cute polka-dotted sundress I bought especially for the occasion because someone mistakes me for a giant block of Swiss cheese instead of the fashion plate I aim to be.

So no carbs. This means no beer, fruit, pasta, bread, corn, beer, polenta, couscous...shit I am getting hungry just thinking about it. This also means no chocolate (which I am totally violating because to ask me to go without chocolate is like asking Nicole Ritchie to compete in a corn dog eating contest).

In high school I went on this no-carb crash for about two months. I worked out four or five times a week and ate a lot of grilled chicken breast, which resulted in my looking pretty fantastic in my prom dress (although having looked back at pictures recently, the hair could have used some work). And then one night I ate a bowl of pasta and never looked back.

This is the first time I've done this in over 8 years and I have forgotten what it's like. No carbs = grumpy little bitch. I am mad at everything. I hate everyone. I have been like a human minefield this week - say something in the wrong tone of voice and I will seriously punch you in the face.

Case in point: I recently reactivated the subscription on my XM radio. Apparently, since my trial expired the better part of a month ago, I have to leave the radio on, in my car, unobstructed, in direct sunlight, tuned to Channel 1, and while standing on my head at a 27 degree angle to receive the signal beam and allow it to reactivate. Needless to say, after having tried this twice, I gave up. Today, when I logged in to my XM account online, I was told my service was "deactivated". Nevermind the fact that I paid for three months of service less than a week ago, right?

So I spent the better part of my morning constructing the nastiest email ever written to Mr. XM, detailing my poor experience with reactivation and threatening to seek legal recourse if my complaint was not addressed within 48 hours. (Literally - I wrote this. No joke.)

I ended my complaint letter with a bang: "If I do not receive a response within 2 days, I will seek proper recourse and ask to have this bogus activation charge removed from my credit card statement. I refuse to pay for a service I do not have access to."

As soon as it occurred to me that I had used the word "bogus" in a letter of complaint, I hit "send" quickly and proceeded to eat a block of American cheese as a midmorning snack.

Three and a half weeks to go.

posted by KA @ 11:25 PM