Confessions of A Naughty Girl

I Have Good Friends

Friday night, I got into a screaming match with a particularly volatile male friend of mine, and I was left in the street, drunk, by myself, two miles away from the nearest intersection. The whole incident stemmed from him insulting me repeatedly - and in front of a good number of people - continuously at the bar.

Screaming matches are nothing new with this person. (And may I add that if you do know me, you know that I really am - for the most part - not confrontational. I hate fighting, I hate the perpetual state of limbo, I hate the whole bit. I try to avoid it at all costs, but unfortunately, this particular friend has the mentality of a three year old.) But this particular instance was the last straw.

So early this evening, before I left work, I signed on to instant messenger. And instead of an apology for stranding me in the street to be raped, pillaged, mugged, or just generally harassed, I am posting his instant-message excerpts on the matter (private details censored) for the whole wide world to see. I have always vowed to use this blog for good and not evil, but I think this is so appalling and yet oddly funny that I feel the need to share. I finally decided that today, I was excising the cancer, baby. And for those of you not familiar with metaphors, that translates to "Get the f*ck out."

ROAR.

MW: Hey, I'm gonna let you know whats what here. Basically, I'm not really wanting to talk to you too much anymore. I don't appreciate you grabbing my crotch in front of everyone, and the going "oh there's nothing there". In addition to the fact that you screamed at me about cookies, you also used some of the things I've told you recently against me. If you have that many complaints about me, don't be my friend and leave me alone. I'm tired of it for real.

PAUSE.

This crotch-grabbing allegation, coming from the man who compulsively grabs at my chest and squeezes as hard as he can. Believe me, there has been grabbing before on many occasions, and no one complained. And if I recall correctly, there really wasn't a whole lot there, so I was telling the truth. Hey, I never claimed the relationship was functional.

UN-PAUSE.

KA: M, these aren't threats, and it's fine if you don't want to talk to me anymore. You're rude to me. Your behavior on Friday night was heinous and borderline unforgivable. I'm sick of walking on eggshells and being a good friend to you, only to get left on a dark, unlit street, drunk and alone at 2 am. I have never used some of the things I've told you against you. I have never told anyone any piece of information that you have asked me to guard with my life. The only thing I did mention - in a fit of anger - was that you were going through a hard time (common knowledge) and that I was sick of being your punching bag, both of which are true.
MW: and I told you to go take a cab
MW: and you did use some of the things I told you against me... fit of anger or no, thats not ammo
MW: and yelling about f*cking cookies?

PAUSE.

Who said anything about cookies? I have no idea what he's talking about, but apparently I yelled about cookies. I have to wonder if he wasn't in a fit of hysterics when he was typing this. Was he reading his own writing?

UN-PAUSE.

KA: you left me in the f*cking street by myself, drunk, and about a mile away from the bar
KA:i had to walk 15-20 minutes to hail a cab and you never even called to make sure i was ok
MW: I told you specifically to go take a cab
KA: what kind of man are you that would treat a woman that way?
KA: you didn't, at the very least, pick me up and drop me off on the corner to hail a cab
KA: whatever i may or may not have done to you, i can assure you that nothing i did merited your response
MW: you started in on me
MW: YOU started it
MW: you know what... fine... I'm a bad friend, a terrible rude person, and no kind of man. Not worthy of your friendship. thats where it is
KA: whatever you want
KA: let me just ask you this
KA: if it were (other mutual friend) would we be having this conversation right now
MW: we wouldn't even have this issue in the first place. thats the difference there
KA: because you wouldn't f*cking DO that to someone else
MW: yes I would
MW: you know what, I'm through with your guilt nonsense... if you just chilled the f*ck out, things would be different, but you wanna brow beat me like that over bullshit, I'm not gonna be friends.
MW: you know also, I'm f*cking happy I drove away... It brought me joy to see you fade in my rearview mirror
MW: I'm indifferent about you.
MW: btw, I think you suck as a friend
KA: you were held accountable for my safety and if something happened to me you would have to answer to that
MW: no, you are responsible for you
MW: I am only responsible for me.
MW: why would I be responsible to you?
MW: you don't understand... I don't want to be your friend
KA: oh no!
KA: (cries into keyboard) Who wouldn't want a friend who berates them in public and puts them in unsafe situations?
KA: sniffle sniffle
MW: I'm done with you.

PAUSE.

One would think he'd have stopped talking to me by now, but the IMs just kept on coming. At this point, I was sad that it had come to this, but realized there's no sense in talking to a crazy person, unless I wanted to humor myself. Which I did.

UN-PAUSE.

MW: you are seriously underestimating my mindset as well. This isn't like before, I seriously want you out of my life.
KA: oh no!
MW: make your little bullshit jokes all you want..
KA: little M. Princess, kicking and screaming and making rules
MW: get all the comments out now, because its your last chance
MW: no more choice comments?
KA: one quick question
KA: how did cookies get involved? i recall nothing about cookies

PAUSE.

I couldn't help myself. I had to know about the cookies.

UN-PAUSE.

MW: you bitched about them and used me buying (mutual friend) cookies as a comparison, basically to say I'm not a good friend to you.
KA: not quite the point i was trying to make but ok
MW: anyway, I'd prefer you go ahead and name call all right now. I don't really feel like speding any more time on this
MW: so let loose, so I can be done with it
MW: you know, you call me cold and sad because I can write people and things off so easily. We'll that is a function of importance. If I don't think its important, I'll cut it out. I've comprimised with plenty of people on plenty of things. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna do that here, especially given the multitude of attacks on my character by you.
MW: that doesn't rank high on my list, so if you have issues with me being "cold" and "sad" well, I can only say its a function of your behavior towards me.
KA: don't put more words in my mouth
MW: I haven't.. these are things that come out of your mouth.. sometimes I repeat them verbatim
KA: out of context
MW: no, not at all
MW: that is one of your tactics
KA: i am not a war plan, M.
MW: that was a rediculous comment

PAUSE

I hate when people misspell words like "ridiculous" and "compromised". Hallelujah that I don't have to deal with that anymore! I mean, toxic friendships are one thing, but poor spelling and grammar is a serious dealbreaker with me. You don't have to be Webster, but learn how to spell common words. I'm not asking for the moon here.

UN-PAUSE.

MW: anyway, if you have no more names, then I think we are done here
MW: last chance, because I am blocking you in a second
KA: bye!

I rest my case.

posted by KA @ 6:38 PM