Confessions of A Naughty Girl

WYSful Thinking

I used to be a big believer in "categories".

I look back at my third post on this blog and quote:
"I truly believe that people can fit into neat little categories of assholes, and I am here to call them out."

I've always found writing to be therapeutic - my own little version of chicken soup when something was on my mind. And while I love readers and hearing what they have to say, I write for me. I write because it helps me organize my thoughts. I write because it amuses me, makes me laugh, challenges me to continue to think. But ultimately, I write to track my own evolution.

Somewhere between November 2003 and today, I've changed a lot. (For the better, I believe.) When I started writing, I was 23. I am now 26. I love looking back on earlier posts and seeing where I stood, what my thoughts were, who was in my life, and what I was thinking about. Many of those people are still in my life. Some are not. I consider those who are a testament to our joint ability to make whatever relationship we had, whether it was a friendship or something more, work. I value them. And I make it my number one priority to love them as best I can, in the way that they need it from me.

But when I read that third post, I laugh.

Because you can't fit people into categories. You can't pigeonhole human beings and summarize human nature in one fell swoop. Sure, you can take a gander at it, and you can attempt to do what I do, which is try to make sense of it, but to fit people into "neat little categories" is to do yourself - and each of them - a great disservice.

And I was struck by this revelation a few months ago. I was seeing someone and having a discussion with him, because he seemed to believe that my devotion to my family, work, and friends (and by extension, my apparent lack of devotion to a relationship with him), was a direct function of how little attention he was getting. It frustrated me to no end to feel like my life was turned on its ear and here he is, assuming that it has everything to do with him.

So I told him the truth. I said, "Listen, I like you. I don't know where this is going and I'm not sure I even care to predict it. I can't promise you that I'm going to make assloads of time for you, but I can promise you that you will always know Where You Stand with me. And if you find yourself questioning that, just ask me. I will always be honest."

For those of you more interested in what happened, it did go nowhere, but that's beside the point. The point is, I've evolved. I no longer categorize. But I've committed myself to the Where You Stand (WYS) philosophy, and I would encourage you to do the same.

We get ourselves into a lot of complicated situations. If you're me, you probably plant yourself there because hell, why not, right? There have been a lot of times lately where I can't place something...where a category just doesn't serve my purposes at all. So what do you do with that? Where do you make sense of anything?

I implemented WYS because it enables me to figure it all out without having to label it. I mean, sure, it's nice to eventually be able to call someone "The One That Got Away", or "The F*ck Buddy", or best yet (and probably most applicable to me currently), "The Guy-I-Am-Seeing-And-Liking-But-Unsure-Of-Where-It's-Going". But does that really describe it? Does that really reflect what's going on?

Life is short. We move quickly. And I stand by the idea that it's important to let anyone that's of any importance to you to know Where You Stand. If you love someone, tell them. If you don't, tell them. If you don't know, tell them. It is okay to say "I don't know." Give yourself - and anyone else - a gut check regularly. Don't be afraid not to have answers. Don't be afraid not to be able to predict the future. But don't shy away from talking about it just because you don't have a conclusion.

It's very hard to make an absolute promise, but as I did a few months ago, I find it more and more relevant for me to let the important people know Where You Stand, whether that's being angry with them, or loving them, or not knowing what the hell you're doing with them. I promise to be as truthful as I can be if someone asks. I promise to let people know where they fit in from time to time, because it takes so much of the guesswork and the frustration out of labeling situations. It allows you to wake up each day with a clear conscience, and to go to sleep every night knowing that if - God forbid - you don't wake up the next day, that every single person in your life knows where they are with you. You don't owe it to them. But you might owe it to yourself.

And if I still feel this way in three more years, when I'm pushing thirty and possibly looking longingly at babies in strollers? Who knows.

I'll keep you posted.

posted by KA @ 11:34 PM