Confessions of A Naughty Girl

...And the Wheels Fell Off the Bus

I am currently trying to keep my head from dropping into my lap at work, as I was out last night and have a hangover of the worst dimension, one that is engulfing my body and causing pangs of nausea periodically thus far in the morning.

Also, proud to announce that it only took three shots of tequila, a martini, an OJ and vodka, and maybe one other drink (?) to set the Self-Sabotage Tour 2005 wheels in motion. I spent at least an hour of the morning trying to regain motor skills, and as of 9:45 am this morning, I have written three apology emails for my ridiculous behavior, one of which went to Jerry Maguire. Apparently I called him at 1:30 am. I do not remember the conversation. I may never speak to him again, if for nothing other than fear of how last night's conversation unfolded.

I like to go out. Put a couple in me and I'm laid back and having a great time. But if you catch me on a raging night, I always seem to play a subconscious game with myself called "Let's See How Badly We Can F*ck Things Up!" (Although now that I have realized this, this is probably a conscious game, but whatever.) Anyone else play this? Because it is really fun to see how badly (or well) you can do. I think I may even try and market this as an adult board game to Mattel. The concept is simple: person with the most points wins. So even total morons can play. Fun for the whole family!

Here's how it would work: the morning after, you reassess the prior evening, or, if you were like me last night, what you can salvage from your memory of it. For example, 5 points for every ex you drunk dial, 7 points for every random person you smooch at the bar, 9 points for every FWB you run into while you're out, 15 points for every platonic friend who you end up in sketchy relations with, two spaces back for every shot you refuse...wow, I just earned thirty points and didn't have to move back two spaces! Or thirty-one. Whatever. Leave me alone.

Another thing I've noticed is that lately, these flat-out things have been coming out of my mouth - more things coming outta there than a good Jenna Jameson video. Lies! In recent weeks, I have professed love for one person (possible lie!), gave another person a bunch of compliments that wasn't true (lie!), and flirted with a couple of boys that were really ugly, pretending that I thought they were cute (lies!). All due to my social drinking habits.

Does anyone else do this???

Do as I say, not as I do, and beware the pitfalls of drinking. Lindsay Lohan movie weekend.

posted by KA @ 11:58 AM